Every relationship goes through trying times. In fact, it’s normal for challenges to occur when two separate individuals come together and decide to be in a relationship. Remember they are two different beings with different views and opinions, habits, backgrounds and upbringing, environments and languages.
There is bound to be conflict but this shouldn’t be the end of the relationship. There may be telltale signs shouting “get out” but before you do, here’s a checklist below, compare them to what your relationship is like currently and make the choice of leaving or staying.
1. When You Feel You Are Not Just Meant For Each Other
Constant bickering and hassles in relationships do not mean it’s time to kiss your partner goodbye but when issues become difficult and irreconcilable and you perceive you are not meant for each other even when you can’t place your finger on it, then it’s time to let go.
Have you discovered that you both seem to want different things? Have you exhausted your lifelines? If yes, it’s time you call it quits.
2. When Your Relationship Is An Abusive One
You indeed love your mate irrespective of how they treat you but think about the long term effects it would have on you, it could be damaging.
I can relate to how they pamper you after a series of beatings and how they seem to be over caring after a fight that almost left you dead. How about the lies you have to tell to protect your relationship even when the scars are there to show? Are you not tired of living in constant fear and emotional abuse?
He hit you yesterday on the head, he may hit you in your stomach or smash your head against the wall tomorrow. Yours may be name-calling and emotional abuse. It’s time to open up yourself to new and better opportunities.
3. When You Are Unhappy
Being unhappy in a relationship could be caused by your partner or yourself. Before you end your relationship, be sure what’s causing your unhappiness is caused by your partner else after the break up you may feel worse.
Are you needy or a nag? You could be unhappy but it may not be caused by your mate but by your insecurity. When you don’t agree on basic issues it could pose a problem.
4. When You Can’t Tell Where The Relationship Is Heading
How painful it would be to realize you have been friends with benefits- If after six months of referring to someone as “my angel”, “my sweet” and saying “I love you” and “I love you too” back and forth and you still can’t place a finger on what is going on between you two then there’s a problem.
Perhaps you have been dating actively for a year now and still don’t know where the relationship is headed, then it calls for serious consideration. Your relationship may be seen to be on the move but you are yet to see signs of it getting serious or heading somewhere, it’s time to alight from the ship of your relationship.
A journey without a destination is very likely going to end up as a waste of time, energy and resources. A man who has a destination in mind should have watched out for signs in his lady very early enough even from afar before approaching her.
Some, when asked to define their relationship, says ” let’s see how it goes ” or ” I don’t know yet”. Really? How much time will you need to make a decision? Not every relationship must end in marriage but let your partner know the goal of your relationship.
Seek clarity, Are you dating or just friends? Don’t allow emotions to make you start doing what you shouldn’t be doing even without defining what is being done. Beware of any man who cannot answer the question “where is this relationship going”? If this looks like your present relationship, please set yourself free.
You may even have an idea of where the relationship is going but the timeline seems to keep dragging, please watch it closely.
There was no way I’d talk about clarity in a relationship without mentioning time frames for the realization of the goal of such relationships.
Many ladies I’ve counseled tell me each time they ask their ‘fiancees’ when he intends to take the relationship to the next level, their replies are usually one of the following:
- Don’t rush me or put me under pressure (really).
- When it’s time I’ll let you know. Why are you in a hurry and being so desperate?
- I’m not ready yet (and you could ask her out).
- I want to make money first (little wonder people spend 10 years together in a relationship with no goal in sight).
Ladies be wise.
5. When You Can’t Tell If Your Partner Loves You
I tell my clients always that love is an action word. It doesn’t stop in speeches and long endearing text messages or saying “I love you ” word, it has to be acted out.
When your partner tells you he loves you, watch out for the action that accompanies that word, is he for real or a joker? There’s one question I always ask people who come for counseling, it’s “Do you love him/her?” and “Does he/she love you”?
If No, then Why are you/they doing it? I once asked a lady if her boyfriend loves her, and she said she doesn’t know.
You should be able to know for sure to a large extent if he or she professing love truly loves you or not, so you don’t get played. People come into the lives of people for various reasons- ascertain why and make the decision of leaving.
A lot of people make the mistake of staying in relationships out of pity which is very wrong. A person who is not whole cannot give love.
6. When You Feel You Don’t Know Your Partner Well Enough
I understand that for some it takes time to really get to know their mates while for others they seem to just click. Note that this does not mean that they are good or bad people, it just happens sometimes.
Do you feel like you know nothing concrete about your mate? It could be a red flag. You can relate to someone for hours daily and yet not know anything real about them. You may be privy to details about their life and not know who they are in terms of their real nature.
There are levels when it comes to knowing people. It could just be on the surface level but for relationships to thrive, it has to go beyond the surface general knowing to deeper levels. Too many people know about their mates, but only a few really know them.
Someone in love will be open, they will share their dreams, visions, and aspirations. Even if they have been hurt in past relationships, you will be able to see through them and know why they are holding back.
Vulnerability is part of being in love, If your man doesn’t share his true self with you, it could be a sign he’s not into you and may not be yours for life. Let him go.
7. When You Don’t Trust Him
Love isn’t enough for a relationship to thrive. What about trust? This is the very foundation. Without trust, there is no relationship, that’s the plain truth. In a good relationship, you should feel at ease, no panicking, no thinking if your mate is with another person.
You have a knowing that you are the only one in their world of love and romance, you don’t doubt or begin to question their every move or word. Being with them feels like a haven.
When you find yourself doubting or replaying events in your head with him and picking out some discrepancies, then there’s cause for alarm. When he tells you where he is or where he will be and vice versa and have to check with someone else to confirm then you have serious trust issues in your relationship.
Do you find yourself constantly snooping around his phone or him having to excuse himself when with you to take a call, it could be a telltale sign that it’s time to bid him or her as there is something they are hiding? You can’t spend your life constantly looking over your shoulder.
This is just an aspect to it, what if your mate is cheating? You could forgive and forge ahead but what if your mate is a serial cheat? Remember there are deadly STDs, would you mind sharing those with him apart from the endless pain of feeling like you are not good enough; that’s why they are cheating.
He may also not have delivered on his promises to you or told you several lies. This is a huge sign your relationship will not last and it’s best to go where you will be cherished.
Perhaps, you can’t even figure out why you don’t trust your mate but your guts tell you there’s more to your mate than meets the eye. Please be vigilant! Analyze your thoughts to be sure you are not taking out your insecurities on him or having a hangover from terrible past relationships.
8. When Your Partner Does Not Respect You
Many think only men deserve some respect as society puts it. Yes, it’s the number one thing on their list if they are to have a woman for keeps. The moment a lady makes them feel small, they begin to pull back and resent her But women need to be respected and loved too. Who enjoys being put down in public or ignored? No one.
Respect is reciprocal as a lot of people say yet it is overlooked in many relationships. Respect has to be given in every aspect, you have to respect your partner’s opinion, religious beliefs, attitude to life and morals even when they differ from yours. You don’t need to shut them down like they have nothing to offer, it could choke the life out of their self-esteem, creativity, and joy.
Do you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter or your partner calls you names and compares you to people? It’s time to rethink your stay in that relationship.
9. When Your Love Life Becomes A Bore
Do you find your man staying away from the bed often and finds excuses not to be intimate with you, it calls for great suspicion.
There is a level of attraction and affection when people are in love. They will always want to touch, cuddle or even kiss, it is a necessary ingredient to foster closeness. This shouldn’t be the main attraction in a relationship but it’s key to making relationships work.
10. When Being In Bed Is All You Do
This is another extreme of the point mentioned above. Love goes beyond two naked bodies in bed, if this is all you ever do with your mate or this is the only place you seem to agree with them I’m sorry to let you know that you are being used. Move and search for something with a future as you are just being used.
11. Being In The Relationship Has Being A Minus For You
Let’s talk about you a bit.
- How does the relationship make you feel?
- Do you feel like you’re drained constantly?
- Do you feel like you are losing yourself to keep your mate?
- Do you feel like you are living for your mate?
- Do you feel like your world is at a standstill because you are in this relationship?
- Do you feel like you should be with someone else?
- Are you having regrets being here?
- Do you feel like there’s no positive addition in your life from your partner?
- Do you feel like the relationship is a waste of time and effort?
- Do you feel like there have been no major achievements in your life?
If you answered yes to any three of the questions above, you need to get out of your relationship.
12. Being With Him Has Changed You For Worse
A lot of ladies hang on to very toxic relationships because they seem to have gotten used to ill-treatment and will rather remain than leave. Some have gotten accustomed to negative influences from their mate and it has become the norm for them, some lose creativity and even abandon family and friends just to retain their mates.
A healthy relationship will not isolate you. Some others are aware but stay in so they can say they have a man- you are doing yourself more harm than good. Relationships are supposed to enhance the quality of our lives and make us better people and not bring out the worst in us, compare your present state to how you were before you got into this current relationship, are you better or worse?
13. When Our Mate No Longer Keeps In Touch
It could be in distant relationships or even in close relationships- you know it’s time to say goodbye when your mate suddenly becomes weary of you and gives flimsy excuses of why they can’t communicate with you.
Some may be going through a hard time while others do not know how to end the relationship and choose to give the silent treatment.
14. When Your Partner Lacks The Drive To Succeed
With the current situation in the world, everyone has to be on their feet to earn a living. Does your mate appear to be slothful or lazy? Do they lack the willpower to succeed? Or hardly makes an effort to get busy and earn a living? You may be in for trouble.
It may not be a white-collar job but your partner should be industrious in order not to be a burden to you. Do you feel like your partner is living off you? You may be feeling all loved up now but what happens in the future! Think twice.
15. Will I Want To Be Committed To This Person For Life?
Will I want to build a home with my mate and have children for them? If no, it’s time to end the relationship.
One very difficult thing to do in a relationship is sitting down to view your relationship with the eyes of reality and saying the goodbye word when what you are experiencing is different from what you have always wanted.
Love isn’t enough for your relationship to thrive. You may both be in love but it isn’t enough. That you both can’t be together doesn’t mean you are bad, you may not just be right for each other. There is ‘definitely’ someone out there that fits you, please don’t settle for less!
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