How To Know If He Is Not That Into You

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signs hes not into you anymore

“I’ve been sitting on this chair waiting for the phone to ring, hoping it will be my man sending an SMS or calling,” said Claire. “It’s been 5 hours and being a holiday, I expect my man will get in touch with me since he’s not at work”.

Do you find yourself constantly wondering what he’s doing? When he is going to call? Or sometimes you feel used and underappreciated? Then, this post is for you.

At some point or another, I’ve been there, I’ve waited endlessly for calls, I’ve called and later felt bad after calling, I’ve sat down to compose text messages expressing how crazily in love I am and all I got from my ex-boyfriend was a single word “thanks”.

There were times I’ve been made to feel less than myself and cried myself to sleep but guess what, it has all ended. I am stronger, better and wiser and I wish I know back then all I know today, it could have saved me a lot of heartbreaks. It would have avoided me being sampled and emotionally disjointed.

Everyone wants to be loved, appreciated and valued but not all are lucky to have a smooth ride, some go through several bad experiences before finally meeting the partner of their dreams while some are never able to love again as a result of been taken for granted, used and even dumped by their ex. In today’s post, we will be looking at how to know if he is not that into you.

Knowing signs to watch out for and red flags will do a whole lot of good and avoid a waste of time, resources or even prevent a heartbreak.

subtle signs hes not into you

Here are 20 signs he’s not into you:


1.  When You Rarely Experience A Flow Of Chemistry Between You Two

After the initial days of meeting and greeting, every relationship begins to settle in and it is best to watch out for cues of compatibility.

Do you seem to want different things? Do you feel completely uncomfortable being around your man? This could be one of the signs he’s not into you.


2.  He Sends Mixed Signals

Today you feel you have him and the next you feel confused, other times you can say without a shadow of a doubt that he is your man and he is into you and seconds later, you begin to ask yourself if your man is for real? It could be a sign he’s not so into you.


3.  He Seems Secretive

When love takes over a man, he becomes a chatterbox no matter how quiet he may be. It is true that some men don’t know how to express themselves but watch closely to know if your man is that way and work towards making him open up to you but after all is said and done, if there are no changes, please take a walk.

I tell people to watch out for actions and not just words alone. If there are no changes, please move on! A man that is into you won’t let you walk, he will plead to have you back. If after you return, you are yet to see changes, please don’t make the same mistake a second time, move on!


4.  When Your Instinct Tells You

Every woman has a sixth sense that ticks and sometimes an inner voice that tells you when something doesn’t feel right. If you feel something is off about your relationship but you’re wondering where to start from, please don’t stay in. It could be one of the subtle signs he’s not into you. Don’t drown your inner voice!


5.  You Don’t Communicate Often

Every man will want to reach out to the object of his affection whether near or far. When a man hesitates to reach out to the woman in his life, it’s a telltale sign he’s not so into her.

Watch out for consistency and value, it’s sometimes not about the hours spent on the phone but what is said during your conversation.


6.  When You Do Communicate, It’s In Bed

You may just be a friend with benefits; it’s true that compared to when you first started dating, you were so into each other via calls or text messages but as reality begins to set in, you notice you both hardly communicate.

Your man only communicates when there’s an urge and after he is satisfied, he abandons you till when he has a need for lovemaking again. This is one of the signs he’s not into you anymore, he only needs you for sensual gratification.


7.  When He Says Your Relationship Needs To Be Kept Secret

Note this: if a relationship has to be secret, you have no business being in it.

When you begin dating, it’s normal to have an exchange of friends and contacts as you both expand your circle of friends and meet each other’s friends. A man that is into you will want to show you off; if he keeps you away from people dear to him, it’s one of the signs he’s not so into you.


8.  He Hardly Has Time For You

When a man finds something of value, he keeps coming back irrespective of his schedule. He will always find a way to fit you in. He may not always be there but you will know by his actions that you are a priority. If this is not the case, then it’s one of the signs he’s not into you.


9.  He Shuts Down On You For Days And Shows Up As If Nothing Happened

“My ex-boyfriend was a calling machine. That was his nickname, I gave it to him because he never gave me a breathing space. He made sure I never missed him for long.

A few weeks into our relationship, I noticed he limited his calls to weekdays only and rarely calls during the weekend. Even when I call he hardly picks up his calls, when he finally does, he gives one lame excuse or the other or hurries off the phone with “an I’d call you back shortly ” which he never does till Monday morning.

It didn’t take long for me to find out he was married and only needed me to hang around him because his wife just gave birth and he needed some feminine company; I was heartbroken” said, Lila.

Does this describe your man or your kind of relationship? It could be part of the signs he’s not into you.


10.  He Doesn’t Ask Questions Or Gets To Know You Better

A man in love is termed a curious man; he wants to know more about his woman, he wants more, he will probe to know her likes and dislikes, how her last relationship ended and a whole lot.

When a man seems okay with the present status of his relationship with a woman, it could mean he’s not into her or he’s tired of her. A man who is interested in a lady will want to discover you, if he doesn’t, it could be a red flag; don’t ignore it!


11.  He Talks About The Future And Never Features You In It

It could be simple open-ended questions like where’s the city of your dream? Where will you like us to settle? How many kids will you like us to have? Questions that show togetherness and you both as partners or comments like I can’t wait for us to get married, can’t wait to see how you will look when you turn 50 and more.

If this isn’t happening, it’s one of the subtle signs he’s not into you.


12.  He Never Keeps His Promises

This is a huge red flag! Some plans will not always fall in place but when it becomes a habit, it calls for a closer look.

Every man wants to be his woman’s hero, one who can and will do anything to make her happy, which includes being called a man who is true to his words. When this stops, its one of the signs he’s not into you anymore.


13.  He Says He’s Not Ready For Commitment Without Tangible Reasons

Most men find it difficult to commit to a lady but the moment he finds what he wants, he will go all out. When a man says he’s not ready without any tangible reason, it could be there is someone better out there or he not just into you.


14.  You Feel Shut Out From Him

Do you feel free with him? Are you ‘yourself’ when with him? Do you even know where he stays and other basic vital information about him? If no, it could be one of the signs he’s not so into you. If he is, he would be up, close and personal with you, withholding nothing, more like a take-me-as-I-am person with nothing to hide.

Do you find yourself checking his phone or social media handles to see if his online dating profile has changed? Or you even hire people to keep an eye on him. Oh no stop it, please.

Perhaps you used to be lovebirds but presently there seem to be some changes, it could it be that he’s fallen out of love or he’s not so into you anymore?


15.  He No Longer Chases You

He doesn’t use words of endearments for you anymore. He doesn’t respect or care about how you feel, you seem to beg for his attention.

Every man is a hunter and a chaser, it doesn’t stop even after marriage if the love is genuine. He’ll keep seeking ways to please you, he’ll keep doing what he did to win you the first time. If this isn’t the same with what you are experiencing in your relationship, it could be a sign.


16.  He Lets You Do The Work Of Keeping In Touch

Do you call more than he does? Even when you call, does he spend quality time with you? If he’s unavailable at the time of call, does he respond immediately? These and many more are questions to ask to ascertain if he’s really into you.


17.  He Gets Angry At The Slightest Provocation And Seems Touchy Over Irrelevant Issues

Most times nothing you do seem to please him anymore, it could be one of the signs he’s not into you anymore.


18.  You Find Yourself Competing To Get His Attention Yet You Feel He’s Unreachable

He seems not to be interested in your daily activities anymore, knowing about what happened at work or caring to find out your high points and low points during the day.


19.  He Doesn’t Compliment You Anymore


20.  His Body Language

You notice he avoids eye contact with you or rarely touches you in public. You feel like he’s uncomfortable being around you, he seems uptight and can hardly play around you.

Having seen the red flags, what do you do?


How To Let Go Of A Guy Who Is Not Into You

  • Please don’t hang in there, you don’t have to prove anything or make him get into you.

There’s a huge difference between trying to change things and forcing change. Some somethings can never change which includes forcing someone to love you. Women make the mistake of trying to change a man, please stop it!

Never go a mile for someone who will not take a walk with you. What you endure now will continue even after marriage, if you are fortunate enough to make it that far. If a man wants to be with you, he definitely will, you don’t need to force it.

  • Concentrate your efforts into loving yourself.
  • Get busy, be involved in something worth it.
  • Be the woman a man needs and not a needy woman.
  • Don’t make excuses for your man.

Excuses like it is a phase, he will change or if I do this he will love me, please stop all that.

  • Move on.

Don’t settle for mediocre just so you will say you have a man.

  • Don’t try to figure out what’s next. Set yourself free and breathe!!!


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Author: Miriam Eugolatac

Miriam is the creator of this blog and an avid love specialist with years of relationship and marriage advice. While she is not working on her career in the real world, she loves to jump on the site and use this platform as a way to express and hopefully help other people with relationship advice.

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