That you are reading this post shows you want to put some fun into your connection with your spouse or you want to break the cycle of boredom and routine, possibly you may want to connect with your partner on a more intimate level.
Every couple gets into being stuck in a rut in their relationships, where the initial spark and excitement you once had seem to have taken wings. Most times it takes an unpleasant situation to jolt couples back to reality and make them seek a solution.
It may be the busy schedules, raising kids, commitments to meet, body changes, racing minds, disappointments, or even unmet expectations; in the midst of all these, you can still have the relationship you’ve always dreamt about. How do you then spice up your relationships?
1. Variety Is The Spice Of Life
During the past month, how often did you feel that your marriage was in a rut (or getting into a rut), that you do the same thing all the time and rarely get to do exciting things together as a couple?”
Monotony is a robber of pleasure and adventure. Variety means to be different. Imagine doing a particular thing in the same manner and at the same time daily for a long time.
After a while, it will cease to appeal to you. Once couples get used to a particular manner of relating with each other, they could begin to seek thrills elsewhere to put some fun into their relationships and this could be so unhealthy.
When Maria and her husband Fred signed up for music lessons, they never expected that their new hobby would come with sparks to rekindle their marriage. She watched her husband nod and smile with so much excitement during their lessons and always looked forward to the next session.
She also realized that even after 10 years of marriage, her husband still had some surprises. And suddenly she could recall the lovely and intelligent man she’d chosen to marry so long ago.
“I see so much happiness in Marie whenever we prepare to leave home for our music lessons,” Fred her husband said. “I’m always touched whenever she giggles and smiles at me or catches my gaze, it makes my heart melt. And, oh my God, you should see her play the violin with so much energy .”
Experts say that shared interests and exciting diversions are what make relationships remain hot and sizzling long after the wedding has been consummated. If this isn’t done, the opposite, boredom, routine, and flat experiences take over.
A daily routine can kill even potential relationships, leading to a lack of deep intimacy and unhappiness as bored couples tend to grow increasingly unhappy
Some think something is wrong with their spouse and begin to nurse the idea of changing their spouse when in fact the change has to start from you.
The truth is changing partners isn’t going to fix the boredom instead work at becoming more exciting instead of blaming your partner. Better still, see if you can find something that you’re both passionate about, then share the moments together.
You want to keep your love life all spiced up and sizzling? Get involved in fun activities together and plan events that could get you interested in each other’s passion where you differ, it will certainly kill feelings of boredom.
2. Exude Positive Vibes
Your ability to attract love, desire, and romance is determined amongst other things by your vibe. Positive energy is absolutely contagious, but so is negative energy. It’s this understanding that allows us to be proactive in determining our state of mind and energy.
The happier you feel, the more it will affect the way you feel which will also affect the way your spouse will relate with you. The negative feeling is a mood killer, it repels and could lead to a turn-off. This goes just beyond nagging or giving the silent treatment, it includes being gloomy or edgy, complaining constantly or even seeking isolation and personal space too often.
Your spouse can’t feel what you are trying to pass across, it’s your vibe and body language that will. Think of how awesome your spouse has been even when they are far from being perfect. I’m not saying you should bottle up any ill-feeling, no, you have to pass it across with words but don’t stay there for too long, move on.
Try to avoid dwelling on things that will spoil your mood especially when you know its almost home-going time or your spouse is about to get intimate with you. Prepare your mind, visualize what’s feeding the negative energy and get rid of it quickly.
“David was a nice man, so sweet that I began to wonder if he was human. 6 years into our marriage I noticed he begun to withdraw, he began to be critical about everything I do.
Initially, I thought it was work stress-related and tried to ask where I could be of help yet he seemed to want more self space”, said Marilyn. “Other times I noticed he was always gloomy and sad, rarely talks and even when he did speak, there were several blank spaces for me to fill to see where I must have gone wrong.
There was always something that demanded his attention which always kept him away from me. Not long after, he moved into a separate bedroom and that threw me into a life of being single yet married. Since he refused to talk to me, I requested that he goes for counseling, it made matters worse as he began to fly into a rage and would want to get violent.
At this point, I knew I had lost him and while he was off to work on a certain day, I moved out heartbroken. I remarried 3 years later but guess what, my ex-husband is still unmarried while I’ve been married now for 14 years”.
Learn to articulate your feelings, don’t send wrong signals or mixed vibes that will make your spouse see you like a puzzle that needs to be solved. Good vibes bring an air of strength and good energy into relationships. Work at maintaining and also improving the flow of positivity in your relationships.
3. Regular Lovemaking
Everyone knows that a man’s sensual button is always turned on as erotic thoughts go through his mind daily. The average man sees lovemaking as a way of being close to his wife.
“For me, making love is comforting especially when I’m down, it helps me have a clear mind after a quick release and makes me feel connected to my wife”, says Jody. “It’s our time of special closeness”.
Remember that lovemaking and romance go together. One of the goals of this piece isn’t just making love but sharing romantic ideas couples can practice while together and knowing new fun things to try in bed.
Only a few couples have in-depth talks about lovemaking and romance, for many, it just happens. No wonder it is said that ‘talk’, is synonymous with ‘lovemaking’ as one could lead to another. Couples have to understand each other’s needs and work at meeting them.
The idea is this: Do not let the romance die, work towards making it fresh and lively. Romance goes beyond fondling body parts, it starts from the state of the heart. If you are happy with your spouse, it will rub off on your lovemaking life. How do you spice up your bedroom?
A. Talk About Your Lovemaking Life
How was your last intimate session together?
What fantasies would you like to try out?
Are you adventurous or shy?
Do you reach the peak often? What are your sensual needs?
Discuss these at length, you will be surprised at the answers you will get.
B. Work At A Change Of Scenery
Reposition your bed, change the sheets often, introduce the use of scented candles, use dim lights, get some trendy sensuous lingerie, wear a nice perfume or use a perfumed shower gel and some good music too. Opt for satin sheets as they are more romantic and shine under dim lights, the effect on the skin too is out of this world.
C. Introduce Erotic Foods And Natural Aphrodisiacs That Are Healthy Like Chocolates, Tiger Nuts, Cranberry Juice, And Ice Cream, etc.
A romantic idea a husband can try is rubbing any of the above on his wife and licking them all up while the wife could try using honey to give him a head.
D. Be Experimental
Research together if possible and try out new coitus styles. The Missionary style seems to be outdated these days as there are other positions like the cowgirl and reverse cowgirl styles where the lady takes the lead, the spoon, and others. Couples should seek what works for them and try changing them in order to avoid routine.
Also, start gradually and grow. Who says copulation only takes place on the bed, hell no… It could take place in the shower, leaning on the door or even the closet. Yes, you read correctly.
E. Indulge In Lots Of Foreplay
It could start from a foot to body massage, even taking a bath together could help too. Wash each other’s bodies and in the process tickle, fondle, and play with each other like kids. Be natural about it and don’t be under any form of pressure.
A spontaneous thing you can also do in bed is trying to preempt your spouse’s next line of action and doing it instead.
4. Remain Mysterious
It’s important to remain a mystery in whatever stage of a relationship you are. Humans generally crave newness and excitement. Studies have it that a little uncertainty breeds attraction. Let there be something your spouse should always want to look forward to.
“Ann is my wonder woman”, says Andrew. Those were the first words that dropped from his mouth when he placed a call to me. “She always keeps me at the edge of the seat as I don’t always know what to look forward to”.
They both worked hard for years to make their relationship work especially since Ann was from a polygamous home and her husband was from a broken family. “We were determined to make it work and we learned first hand that we should constantly try to thrill each other.
I enjoy a weekly homemade spa treatment from my husband and he sends me to surprise gifts at work. He sends me gifts every year on my birthday yet he does them differently. At one point he sent a dispatch rider, at another, he delivered himself while I was at work with a saxophonist playing my favorite tune.
I always look forward to each year’s birthday as my man spices it up in several ways with each year being better than the previous… We are a happy couple I must say and thanks for adding spice to our love life Queen Bee”, says Angel.
Another fun idea to spice up your relationship is to Be Generous. Generosity between spouses is a keyword here. This has to do with the amount of giving.
When one gives value, it endears your spouse to you. It doesn’t have to be big, assisting in house chores, giving a treat once in a while, spoon-feeding your partner, or giving a rub in the back will do. When a person is generous to a spouse, it passes a message of the person being valuable to you. The word Cherish comes in.
What happens in everyday life has a way of affecting what happens behind closed doors between the couples. It works better when you give them what they like, it makes them know you understand them and connect with them. Whatever you give with the motive of love, will always return. That’s my favorite phrase.
5. Kisses Are The Goal
Surveys have shown that a good lip-lock with your spouse has a way of lighting up your day and giving energy surges.
It’s no surprise that couples who kiss more often tend to be more satisfied with their relationship. It is a good stress relief tool and could be very relaxing.
“It’s been our family ritual to welcome each other with a deep long kiss whenever we return from a trip. It takes the stress away”, says Dave. “It helps us connect, bond, and get closer. That way I get to perceive her body scent mixed with her favorite musk perfume. This is another fun way to put spontaneity into your relationship”.
Take time to explore each other’s mouth and juices, you can lick, taste, and experience something new. Kissing amongst other benefits gives you the opportunity to express yourself, get you turned on, and could lead to sensual intimacy. This is a sure deal. It spices up boring relationships too.
6. Touch Often
Yes, I know I’ve talked about lovemaking earlier but touching your spouse often is another way of adding spice to your love life. Hug often, hold hands while you take a walk together. Studies have it that oxytocin is released which fosters bond and helps your immune system.
7. Keep Being Attractive
Go to the gym if you have to but also work on your diet too. Women generally feel good about their bodies when they are in shape but when they begin to add weight as a result of childbirth, they begin to experience low self-esteem.
You could work on your weight by doing exercises with your partner too. It also depends on how much confidence you have in yourself. A confident woman, regardless of her size can take on and win a man she desires.
8. Be Quick To Listen
Be a haven to your spouse where they can spill it all out, hook, line, and sinker. Make them comfortable to open up to you and trust you with their insecurities. Most couples fail here. Be empathetic when you find out they had a rough day.
A client came in complaining of how the wife only cares about herself and never gives him room to express himself. Your partner needs you to listen and understand.
Finally, All relationships go through phases. At whatever phase you are presently, you can work towards being better. Try out the tips shared above, put some energy in making your relationship work and I bet you your relationship will be what you’ve always dreamt about. You can’t get there wishing, go to work!
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