Hustle and bustle are synonymous with the word ‘life’. It contains a string of events both pleasant and unpleasant which steals our time and keeps us busy. There are jobs to keep, hobbies we can’t do without, the business has to go on to ensure cash flow and of course family which consists of your spouse, children, friends, and loved ones.
With these, we are already short of time for ourselves, talk more of time to care for and grow our marriages. Intimate moments become few, playtime vanishes and talk time becomes stressed as they are mere questions and responses with no emotions or deep meanings but surface talks which makes us just go by life and not enjoying it.
Reading this alone shows you are tired of the lost art of conversations, heart to heart talk, and romantic moments.
For us to enjoy intimate marriages with deep emotional connections, we need to invest in each other intentionally. It is a challenge that has to be followed up closely, it means you are ready to engage your spouse in meaningful conversations about themselves and your union.
Are you ready to sacrifice some time to talk with your partner be it in bed, face to face, during playtime, at your waking moments, and any moment it comes to your mind?
The questions we will be looking at shortly are not meant to put you under any form of pressure but to seek at making you understand your mate and make your marriage work. You do not have to do it because I say so but you need to unlock streams of unending intimacy and trust in your union.
The purpose of this is to improve conversations with your significant other. It may be difficult but it will be worth it eventually. How do you improve conversations in a relationship? One of the ways you can do that is by asking questions.
It’s easy you may say but it takes a lot more than that, it involves asking open-ended questions. This makes your partner want to speak.
When I say open-ended questions, I mean questions that do not require a yes or no answer but will make your partner want to give elaborate answers. According to Andy Reynolds, open-ended questions usually begin with the following words:
How did you ___?
In what ways ___?
Tell me about it ___?
What’s it like ___?
The questions above will make your partner think deeply before answering. It’s more like an invitation to talk with you than talking to you.
We will be looking at a set of questions for married couples you can ask your partner. The first set of questions for married couples you will be reading below are questions to build trust in a relationship.
1. What Would Your Reaction Be Like When I Find Things To Correct About You All The Time?
This is a very important question for married couples because It will help you know how your partner feels if told what he or she is doing is wrong. It’s not like you are planning to be such a person who always gives instructions on what is right or wrong but it will help you know how your partner feels about corrections and suggestions that are contrary to theirs.
Truth be told, you and your mate will not always agree on certain issues but how they react in such circumstances matters a lot as you should be able to trust your partner to the extent that even if you don’t agree with what he is doing, he is trying his best to do the right thing. That trust will make you accept some hard choices without putting up a fist.
2. Can You Be Truthful To Me Even When It Will Hurt Me?
This is one of the very deep questions for couples that are often swept under the carpet. It may look trivial but it could be a determining factor in knowing if your partner is trustworthy or not. Some people are very good at spicing up events they relate to you in order not to hurt you or make the reportage interesting.
Where the problem lies is that it may be difficult for your partner to trust you whenever you give accounts if they realize your accounts are not always consistent with reality. If however, you are already aware that your partner spices up things, you will know how to draw your conclusions on matters and not be misleading.
Imagine a scenario where you had a discussion with your partner two months earlier on a particular event and having that same conversation on that same event recently, you realize the two accounts don’t tally. You then call the attention of your partner to it and he or she vividly denies that the events were said the same way. You may tolerate your partner the first time but over time, trust is lost.
Therefore to build trust, let your partner know it hurts when they say one thing and you discover something else, tell them how bad it makes you feel for you to seek a second reportage when they tell you things.
Whether it’s for fun or not, let them put an end to it. This reminds me of a saying of Andrea Bonior which says, “Say what you mean and mean what you say”.
3. How Does Sharing Your Secrets With Me Make You Feel?
J. Hope Suis, who is a relationship expert, says that it is important to know how your partner feels when you confide in them and reveal deep things to them about you. Are they comfortable or uneasy? Does it change the way they relate to you? Do they begin to see you in the light of the dirty secrets you must have shared with them?
If any negative attitude comes up then you probably have serious problems to solve. If it brings forth a positive attitude then it means your partner is mature and understands that having some dirty secrets is common to us as human beings.
Can you trust your partner with your secrets? This is something to ponder about and discuss with your partner. Add it to your questions for married couples list.
4. What Do You Find Difficult To Discuss With Me?
This is one area couples find a hard time talking about. We choose things to disclose and things to keep to ourselves. Why do we hide from our mates? Fear of being judged or criticized? Fear of being blamed? What are your fears when it comes to discussing freely with your mate?
Sit and engage in a dialogue, find out what those grey areas are, and encourage your mate to be open about them. Ask them why they choose to withhold information from you and encourage them not to do so.
5. How Do You Feel About Being In A Relationship With Me?
This is a very direct question that some couples try to avoid because it’s a subtle way of asking if you enjoy being in a relationship with them.
A sincere partner will open up and talk about the good part first and later voice out the not so good sides. If you happen to be confronted with this kind of question, what will your reaction and answer be? If answered truthfully, it could be the beginning of a blissful relationship as you both will see where you need to make amends.
The next set of questions for married couples we will be exploring are romantic questions for married couples.
When it comes to asking romantic questions, you need to use open-ended questions to deepen intimacy. Where being busy is the order of the day, this is the key that will unlock streams of beautiful romantic conversations.
Relationship expert Gottman in the Gottman institute gives an illustration using a question. Imagine asking your partner ‘do you feel happy with our relationship right now?’. The answer you will likely get will be a yes or no answer but let’s make it an open-ended one and see the change it will bring in the response that will come from your mate. “In what ways do you feel happy with our relationship?”
This gives your partner a window to express themselves wholeheartedly beyond words and use emotions too. They share their thoughts and a deeper connection is birthed. Indeed, you cannot force someone to share their deepest selves with you but you can create an enabling environment that opens the door to a deeper connection.
It is sharing a couple of questions from the “Gottman deck cards”. Note that to use these questions for married couples, it has to be a back and forth arrangement where you engage your partner in a series of questions. Don’t be judgemental even when you feel your partner isn’t being truthful or did not answer it the way you expect.
Now to some romantic questions for married couples;
1. How do you think we could have more fun in our life as a couple?
2. What goals do you have for our family?
3. What is your favorite time for lovemaking?
4. What makes you feel most appreciated?
5. What turns you on?
6. What is your favorite romantic restaurant?
7. Can we sometimes disconnect from our device so we can give each other undivided attention?
8. How can we play and get silly with each other sometimes?
9. How can we stay connected while we are apart?
10. How do you define lovemaking?
11. How important is it for you to get to the peak when we make love?
12. What is it like for you when you gets to the climax?
13. What are the sensations you experience?
14. Do you ever have difficulty reaching your climax? How can I support you?
15. How do you feel if one of us reaches climax and the other does not?
16. Do you ever worry that it takes you too long to gets to the peak or that you come too quickly?
17. What does being aroused feel like for you?
18. What can I do to improve the experience of climax for you?
19. What can I do to help you feel aroused?
20. After getting to the peak what do you need from me?
21. Do you think there is a difference between intercourse and lovemaking?
22. How would you like us to communicate around our sensual needs when sensual contact begins?
23. Do you like talking during lovemaking?
24. What kind of talk would you appreciate?
25. Are you shy to ask to be touched in a certain manner when in bed?
26. Do you feel like I push you over your sensual boundaries?
27. Are there times you feel like holding back from me intimately?
28. How can I help you feel safe during intimate time with me?
29. Is there anything you would like us to try intimately?
30. Are we different in our response to lovemaking?
31. How can I tell when you are in the mood for lovemaking?
32. Do you ever feel pressured by me to make love when you don’t want to? If so, how can we handle that?
33. What would be ways you will like me to inquire about your desire for making love that might work well for you?
34. What would be a good way for us to initiate lovemaking? Can we create a ritual out of it?
35. How do you feel when I initiate lovemaking?
36. How can I let you know that I am not in the mood for sensual activity without it feeling like I am rejecting you?
37. What do you like about your body?
38. Are there things I do that help you feel good about your body? Anything else I could do?
39. What do you consider foreplay?
40. What turns you on?
41. What parts of foreplay do you like the most?
42. What part of foreplay do you like the least? What would you like me to do differently?
43. Are there any parts of your body where you will like me to focus more attention?
44. Does it ever feel like there is an expectation that any touch leads to lovemaking?
45. What would make lovemaking more romantic and passionate for you?
46. What are the best romantic times for us?
47. What kinds of touch do you really enjoy?
48. Would it help if I asked you what do you want and need?
49. How do you feel about giving and receiving oral?
50. How do you feel about the 69 positions?
51. How do you feel about using adult toys?
52. How do you feel about role play during lovemaking?
53. How do you feel about restraints like scarfs or handcuff handcuffs?
54. What sensual fantasies do you enjoy?
55. How do you feel about watching pornography?
Next, are a set of questions for married couples that you can ask your husband in bed?
You are lying in bed with the love of your life in the boardroom of marriage, to ensure the conversation continues in a romantic manner you could ask the following questions also:
1. What spot should be our next vacation spot?
2. How can I show appreciation to you?
3. How can I initiate lovemaking?
4. In what way will you find refusing lovemaking not offensive?
5. How can we improve lovemaking?
6. How can we renew ourselves when we are fatigued or on the verge of burnout?
7. How do we get each other ready for bedtime?
8. When is the most appropriate time to bring up issues in our relationship?
9. How can we express our needs?
10. How can we spend time together on weekends?
11. How can we plan to go on dates?
Yet another question for married couples we will be looking at next are Questions to ask your spouse about yourself. This helps you not just know more about yourself but helps you know how much your spouse knows about you.
1. Name my closest friends?
2. What is my favorite musical group?
3. What was I wearing when we first met?
4. What are my hobbies?
5. What are your hobbies?
6. Where was I born?
7. What stress do you think I am currently facing?
8. Describe in detail my day?
9. When is my birthday?
10. What is our anniversary date?
11. Who is my favorite relation?
12. Why is my fondest dream unachieved?
13. What is my worst fear?
14. What is my favorite food?
15. What is my favorite way to open an evening?
16. What personal improvement do I want to make in life?
17. What kind of present do you think I like?
18. What is my best childhood experience?
19. What is my favorite vacation spot?
20. What’s my favorite way of being soothed?
21. What is my greatest source of support other than you?
22. What is my favorite sport?
23. What do I like to do with time off?
24. What is my favorite weekend activity?
25. What is my favorite getaway place?
26. What are my favorite movies?
27. What are my favorite ways to work out?
28. Who was my best childhood friend?
29. What is my favorite magazine?
30. What is my greatest fear?
31. What makes me sad?
32. What is my concern or worries presently?
33. Name two of my favorite celebrities?
34. What are my aspirations, dreams, and wishes?
35. What is my secret ambition?
36. What food do I hate?
37. What’s my favorite color?
38. What’s my favorite TV show?
39. What is my most embarrassing moment?
40. Can you say I am that friend you need? Why?
In this last segment of questions for married couples, we will be looking at general questions you can ask your spouse as well as marriage building questions. The more you know about your spouse, the more likely you are going to understand them and know how to manage your relationship with them.
1. What do you want life to be like in a few years from now?
2. How do you see our jobs changing our relationship in the future?
3. How do you feel about where we live currently?
4. Are there any changes you will like to make about our place of abode?
5. How would you compare yourself as a mother or father to your own parents?
6. What kinds of people do you think our children would become? Any fears or hopes?
7. Is any of our children like anyone in your family?
8. How do you feel about our family right now?
9. Have these feelings changed lately?
10. How do you feel about work right now?
11. How are you feeling about being a parent now?
12. What do you find exciting in your life right now?
13. What are your biggest worries about the future?
14. Who are your best friends right now?
15. How have they affected you negatively or positively?
16. Who in your life is most stressful for you? Why?
17. What do you need right now is a friend?
18. What things are missing in your life?
19. How have you changed in the last year?
20. Have your goals in life changed recently?
21. What are some of your life dreams now?
22. What goals do you have just for yourself now?
23. What is one way you would like to change?
24. What legacy do you want our family to take from your family?
25. What are some unfulfilled things in your life?
26. What would you change about our finances right now?
27. Where would you like to travel?
28. What adventures would you like to have?
29. How has your outlook on life changed in the past two years?
30. How do we care for each other when one of us gets sick?
31. How long can we spend with in-laws and extended family?
32. How can we spend time with kids in the evening?
33. Do our goals complement each other?
34. How can we stay in touch throughout the day?
36. How can we express ourselves to each other when overwhelmed?
37. What are you feeling about you and I?
38. What are your primary needs?
39. What do you really wish in our relationship?
40. What would you really like to say to me?
41. What feelings are you scared of expressing?
42. Do you have any mixed feelings about us sometimes?
43. What would you really like to ask of me?
44. Do you think we should take turns massaging and kissing each other sometimes?
45. Do you think we should take a shower together and lather each other’s bodies sometimes?
46. What is something small that really makes your day?
47. What would your perfect vacation be like?
48. Describe your ideal morning?
49. What is your favorite season?
50. Describe your perfect sandwich?
51. Tell me about the first birthday you remember?
52. What household chore do you like the most?
53. Do you have a favorite movie?
54. What’s the most favorite thing you own?
55. What Tv series do you keep coming back to watch?
56. What’s the best present you have ever received?
57. What are you most excited about lately?
58. Do you have any passion projects you are working on?
59. What do you like to do when you are on a vacation?
60. What are the nicest compliments you have ever gotten from me?
61. Describe your dream home?
62. What is something you have always wanted to do but have been scared to do?
63. What are you proud of?
64. What’s something you want to learn?
65. What’s something small that always brightens your day?
66. What are your favorite things to do on the weekend?
67. Do you have any brand you are loyal to?
68. How can we have warm and affectionate reunions?
69. When is the appropriate time to ask about your day?
70. How do I approach you when I have a need?
71. Do you feel offended when I tease you?
72. What action makes you feel loved!
73. What house chores can you assist me with?
74. How do we train our children?
75. What pet name would you prefer?
76. What does love mean to you?
77. Tell me the story of your proudest moment?
78. How do you relieve stress?
79. Do you meditate sometimes?
80. How do you unwind?
81. What would make you lose respect for someone?
82. Have you experienced heartbreak?
83. Who are you loyal to?
84. Do you wish to have the kind of home you were brought up?
85. If you were not in your current job, what would you be doing?
86. What turns you off?
87. What turns you on when you see me?
88. How have I affected your life positively?
89. What part of me would you like me to change?
Dear reader, the above questions have given you a whole lot of ideas on how to reach out to your partner for more meaningful conversations. I’m excited already because I know this is the beginning of some intimate moments and rewarding life for you as a couple. Enjoy it.
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