Do you often sit back to remember what it was like the first time you met with your mate? What was your conversation like?
I remember mine vividly. We met for the first time in a cafe and the first words that came out of his mouth were “hello beautiful” even though I was engrossed on my phone, those words caught my attention and I lifted up my face and locked eyes with him; that was the beginning of one of the conversations I’ve ever had with anyone.
I used to be a shy person and I’d rather wait for people to start up conversations with me rather than approach them for discussions. It’s even worse in gatherings, I can listen to everything said and not say anything. It spilled into my relationships too but meeting my mate changed things.
I noticed I became comfortable engaging in talks with him, we took turns in getting to know each other, we alternated our questions during dates. We would begin by saying “I’m the head of a heart talk today and I’d be asking questions to get to know you better and also spice things up between us”, then the questions will begin.
To begin conversations there are a few things to bear in mind and they include your mood and that of your mate. You should both be in a good mood and where either of you is not sending out good vibes, you should be cautious to know the kind of questions to ask in a given situation.
Remember, you are now lovers and an already existing bond exists between you two, asking questions should come naturally as you want to know your mate better. See how they react and respond to things, have an idea of their opinions and ideas concerning certain issues of life.
Engaging in conversations with your mate should go beyond the surface but should run deep in order to get into their hearts and do a form of soul search. Don’t stand aloof during discussions, be a participant, let it be engaging, a back and forth dialogue where you get up, close and personal.
Understanding the fact that the quality of your life will largely depend on the kind of relationship you are involved in will make you realize that you don’t need to go with the motions. You have to have “the talk” not just once but severally, it is something that goes on for a lifetime even though most should come up in your dating period which would give you an idea of what to expect as the day goes by.
To help you get there, there are a whole lot of questions to ask your lover which we would be looking at below. After several kinds of research and ”peeps” into my journal I used in my dating years, I’ve come up with a set of questions to ask your lover.
Conversations should be regular and not just because you want to voice things up. It could help to journal some of your thoughts and be prepared for conversation time with your mate. We will be starting with a few questions to ask your lover, be it a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
1. What was growing up like for you?
2. Did you use to get along with your siblings?
3. Was there any time you had family talks and reunions where you all gathered with extended family members to catch some fun?
4. What is your ambition in life?
5. Do you enjoy taking leadership positions?
6. Who is your longest-standing friend you are most proud of?
7. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
8. Do you have any childhood memories you would like to share?
9. Are you a good cook?
10. Do you enjoy listening to music?
11. What is your favorite genre: pop, classic, rock and roll or blues?
12. Do you love pets?
13. Do you enjoy your present job?
14. How do you cope with your colleagues at work?
15. What is your favorite day of the week?
16. What are your hobbies?
17. How do you unwind when less busy?
18. What will you not be caught wearing?
19. Do you find it easy to make friends and build relationships?
20. Who is that one friend you miss the most?
21. Where do you see yourself in the next 2 years from now?
22. What motivates you?
23. How do you handle having a bad day?
24. What are your weekend mornings like?
25. Are you an extremist in your religious beliefs?
26. If money wasn’t a legal tender, what would you trade with?
27. Would you like to have the same kind of family you grew in?
28. Who is your support system?
29. What has life taught you?
30. What are your values?
The above questions bother on general questions to get to know your boyfriend or girlfriend, where they are coming from and who they have been with. Their childhood experiences have a great role to play in your coming together. Next questions to ask your lover will be more intimate. This bothers on life goals, dreams, family and intimate life.
31. Have you had a crush on someone?
32. Have you experienced heartbreak?
33. How many relationships have you had?
34. What’s your take on getting intimate before marriage?
35. What’s your belief about gay relationships?
36. Are you friends with any of your ex?
37. What are your regrets in life?
38. What’s your take on cheating?
39. Is it okay to lie to your partner?
40. What turns you on?
41. What pet name were you given by your ex?
42. Are you afraid of confrontations?
43. How many kids do you like to have?
44. Do you have a saving culture?
45. Are you in debt?
46. Do you have any addictions?
47. Are you into drugs?
48. Have you cheated on your partner before?
49. Are you a jealous lover?
50. What does love mean to you?
51. What was your first kiss like?
52. What attracts you to members of the opposite gender?
53. What got you attracted to me?
54. Do you have souvenirs from your past relationships?
55. What is your definition of romance?
56. How can we spice things up between us?
57. How do you react when angry?
58. Have you ever been involved in a threesome?
59. What’s your take on pornography?
60. What’s your favorite Tv show?
61. What’s your favorite book?
We have taken things a bit deeper. It’s been about getting to know your partner better. Let’s take a look at further questions to ask your lover.
62. Do you see yourself as being competitive in nature?
63. How do you vent when angry?
64. What’s your take on domestic violence?
65. What do you think a woman needs and vice versa?
66. Do you have any fears about your future?
67. What do you do at your happiest moments?
68. Would you say you are an inquisitive person?
69. If you caught me cheating, how would you handle the situation?
70. Do you procrastinate?
71. Do you love everything about you?
72. Are you a loner?
73. If you could turn back the hands of time, what would you change?
74. Are you adventurous?
As relationships progress, boundaries begin to get broken and they give room to deep questioning beyond surface talks. These are questions that shouldn’t be asked at the beginning of relationships but as you progress, you should feel comfortable with your mate. Perhaps you have gotten to a point where the time seems imminent, then you can ask the following questions.
75. Do you masturbate?
76. Have you gotten intimate with anyone without protection?
77. Have you ever been attracted to someone who is married?
78. Are you still a virgin?
79. Do you often read up on people’s intimate experiences?
80. Is our relationship an open one?
81. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done in bed?
82. What’s your favorite coital position?
83. What’s your most sensitive body part?
84. Do you enjoy foreplay?
85. Have you engaged in oral coitus?
86. What’s your take on anal coitus?
87. Have you used a coitus toy before?
88. What name would you give to our relationship if we were to name it after a movie?
89. Are you quick to anger?
90. Are you quick to tears?
91. Can you cope with a cheating spouse?
92. What’s your best color?
93. Can you swim?
94. Can you take a bullet for me?
95. Are you an alcoholic?
96. What’s the most embarrassing moment of your life?
97. How do you handle gossip?
98. How would you rate your lovemaking life?
99. Can a relationship work without lovemaking?
100. Do platonic relationships exist?
101. What’s that thing you hate that I keep doing?
102. What will you term to be your greatest achievements so far in life?
The following questions to ask your lover were gotten from the book “intimate conversations’ ‘ for couples by Billy Syrios. It centered around a couple who decided to go on vacation to spend quality time and also take their relationship to another level.
This book was my companion just after I got married and I do not cease to recommend it to couples. Let’s take a “peek” as some questions to ask your lover can be gotten from the ones below. If intimacy is the goal you intend achieving in your relationship, follow me:
103. In what ways would you like to see our relationship grow in intimacy?
104. How do you most deeply experience intimacy and passion?
105. What does it take to turn an ordinary relationship into a lifelong affair?
106. How can I get your attention?
107. In what ways are we opposites?
108. What would improve our relationship now?
109. On a scale of 1( unhappy) to 10( ecstatic), how happy are you right now with yourself?
– Around me?
In the book, He went further to give a humility test. This way you can check if your mate is proud or humble by the response they give.
110. When problems arise, between you and me, on a scale of 1( never) to 10( always). How often do you listen carefully?
– Stay in the defensive
– Not justify your position
– Advocate for your partner’s viewpoint.
111. What qualities make me special to you?
112. What is your biggest turn off?
113. Do you remember people’s birthdays?
114. Name 2 adjectives that describe you?
115. Have you ever done something you regretted?
116. What can you not do without?
117. Have you ever faced an obstacle in your life and overcome it?
118. What part of your childhood do you miss the most?
119. Do you feel you are mature or need some growing up?
120. Do you like pets?
121. Are there any pets you don’t like?
122. Have you gone hunting before?
123. What’s your favorite fragrance?
124. Do you remember the details?
125. What’s your beauty regimen?
126. What’s your favorite beauty product?
127. When have you felt the most beautiful?
128. What future career plan do you have?
129. Are you afraid of failing?
130. Do you think your current earning is what you deserve?
131. What aspect of your life are you the most confident about?
132. What’s your coping strategy for stress?
133. Would you describe yourself as a creative person?
134. What do you think of online dating?
135. Have you ever been stood up?
136. What makes you laugh?
137. Have you flirted before?
138. Will you get jealous if someone flirts with me?
139. Will you say you are a friendly person?
140. Are there boundaries to friendship?
141. Have you ever been stranded?
142. Do you agree to cohabitation before marriage?
143. Have you ever had an abortion?
144. Why do you think many marriages today end in divorce?
145. Do you see divorce as an option for you?
146. Do you hang out with friends?
147. Have you tried taking a personality test before?
148. Do you enjoy taking pictures?
149. How did your previous relationship end?
150. Is foreplay necessary before lovemaking?
151. Is this relationship making you happy?
152. Can you remember your first sensual experience?
153. Have you ever faked having an orgasm?
154. What’s your take on prostitution?
155. Are you a spendthrift?
156. What’s your take on being a stay-at-home mum?
157. Do you enjoy shopping?
158. Have you ever made out with a total stranger?
159. Is being in love enough reason for couples to get married?
160. Can you say we fight fair?
161. Are you romantic?
162. What is the most romantic gift you have ever received?
163. Would you make love on your first date?
164. Would you agree to a threesome?
165. Have you ever been robbed?
166. Do you currently have any health challenges?
167. Do you offer help to strangers?
168. Have you ever been trapped in an elevator?
169. Do you have a favorite phone brand?
170. What’s the temptation you can’t resist?
171. Do you have a sweet tooth?
172. Do you give yourself a treat sometimes?
173. What would you spend money on?
174. At what age did you have the most remarkable birthday celebration?
175. Have you ever been accused of something you are innocent of?
176. Do you take time off to go on vacation?
177. What has been your best vacation ever?
178. If you could visit one exotic place, which place would it be?
179. What would you like to change about yourself?
180. Do you have any children from previous relationships?
181. Who makes better bosses, women or men?
182. What is the one thing you could do to improve your work-life balance?
183. Are you a worrier?
184. What are the top 3 things you worry about?
185. How long did your previous relationship last?
186. Do you have a hard time letting go when hurt?
187. Do you have any phobias?
188. How would you describe a perfect relationship?
189. Do you use cursing words?
190. Have you experienced any form of abuse?
191. What time of the year do you look forward to the most?
192. Do you believe in traditions and culture?
193. Have you ever been disgraced publicly?
194. What’s your take on tattoos?
195. Would you mind learning a new language?
196. Do you like sports?
197. What do you consider to be a boring environment?
198. What is the biggest misconception people have about you?
199. How do you think we can support each other?
200. What would you like to change about yourself?
I hear you say to yourself, “I made it”. There are not just 200 questions to ask your lover, there are a whole lot more. Please add yours to the list. Let me see yours in the comment section.
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