If you think your love life is great and you are wondering if there’s anything more to be done, yes, there is, as anything good could get better. Most couples along the path of their relationships discover that they let life get in the way of “us” and begin to feel more like roommates than soul mates. Intimacy means different things to both men and women.
For some men, it means getting down wet and sweaty while for some women it means being open and being able to share a lot with her man. Intimacy generally means when you feel a deep connection with your partner.
Every marriage needs some level of intimacy amongst other things to thrive. Remember this is the closest person to you in the entire world and you need to do all you can to learn new ways on how to strengthen your marriage every day.
Relationships are not really governed by rules of the do’s and don’ts as you will need to search out what works for you but there are sweet relationship rituals that will help your love last. You can try out some ingredients below to increase the intimacy level that exists between you and your spouse.
1. Communicate
This is when you can talk to your partner about your thoughts and not just on a surface level but a deeper level. It’s a phase of being vulnerable; where you are open and can talk about everything. How do you leverage this to get intimate with your partner? You get to discuss and being up close and personal.
Understandably, the use of social media is important when you are apart but it could be a destructive tool too for some couples who don’t know how to manage it.
What happens when you two are together? How about turning down the use of social media and focusing on each other. The phones, laptops and even Tv could get your attention and distract you. There is nothing like focusing on each other, holding each other even if you have to watch TV together.
How would you rate the communication level in your home? Is it characterized by quick phrases of “hello and hi” or “good mornings and good nights” with each one of you scrambling to get out of the door to meet a deadline? Do you wish it will be better? Remember how it was in your dating years where you never seemed to get enough of each other as you spent hours talking and sharing.
But now, you seem to have settled into a routine and taken on your roles of father, brother and friend or mother, sister and friend and not husband and wife? Come on, when you stop sharing with your mate, you begin to drift apart. Communication is one of the habits of deeply connected couples. When you talk, you share your thoughts and feelings.
Women expect men to read their minds while the men sometimes expect women to initiate conversations, but the key to increasing intimacy is to dialogue more and share how you feel.
When was the last time you had some real talk with your mate? I’m not talking about the “honey, can you help with the baby?” or “I need help with the trash”, or even barking orders at your spouse but some real deep discussion where you felt like you could reach the soul of your mate.
As I have often heard it said that communication is depositing a part of yourself in another person; irrespective of your role, you have to make out time to reach your mate’s mind. It will not always be easy but you need to work at it.
You know you have hit the mark of greater intimacy when you are open and clear to your spouse about your finances, debts, and promises without hiding anything from them.
2. Make Your Mate A Priority
Sometimes a look at your to-do list can make you shiver because there is so much to do with little time. Now, I’m not saying you should say no to everything on your to-do list and focus on being a hermit with your spouse, I’m only saying let your partner come first most of the time if not always.
Where other things seem important at a given point in time, you can both do them together or explain to your mate. Want to create more time to build intimacy with your spouse?
Check your activity log and decipher it. I know a particular family who says no to birthday parties and some other functions at a certain time in the year because according to them, too much time away could erode the basis of their marriage. They turn down several invitations and instead send gifts across.
This enables them to spend more time together. Am I saying you should do the same? Maybe and maybe not, but I believe there’s something you can forgo to work on having more time to spend with your better half. It would help you watch the number of activities you engage in and also help you evaluate the level of energy you expend outside being with your most favorite person. Is it really worth it?
Do you feel like your love for each other is wearing out? Try to set boundaries as individuals and as a couple so you can get more time to find ways to bring back the love in your relationship.
Assisting your partner can be one of the ways to build greater intimacy with your partner especially where kids are present or your work life is hectic. It could be difficult to get some time with your partner by doing household chores together to save more time for later.
It’s not news that married folks are a couple of busy people, they have different obligations, work, and family-related issues and there are only a few hours to spend together. How do you spend the little time left after meeting the demands placed on you by life? How do you connect with your spouse more intensely and passionately?
I’m guilty of this same question I’m posing to you too. I feel overwhelmed too you know, but then I feel like a sister has got to do what a sister has got to do and I get a hold of a few minutes to get intimate with the love of my life. I feel guilty when I find myself at the salon making my hair for hours. Creating time is what couples have to keep working on.
Some years ago, a client of mine got into a very wrong cycle. He just got a job with an agency and marketing was more like his passion. As he got busy with work and his goals began to expand, the more they expanded the more he tossed aside everything else in his world. It seemed like the world revolved around his job.
His wife began to complain about him not being available for her and the kids but he wouldn’t listen. It was all about his job after all his paycheck was fat enough to cater for their needs. As time went on, his health began to suffer. Then, he realized he focused on a fraction of what mattered and left his priority, the main reason why he was working so hard.
Can you relate to this? If yes, why wait for the fall before taking preventive measures? It’s time to set your priorities right and in order. Certain things will always crave your attention but when your priority is in place, you will make out time to growing intimacy with your spouse. Remember that it’s not about just spending time but the word ” quality time” stands out.
3. Playing Together
Take a look at your typical Sunday to Saturday, doesn’t it look like you find yourself doing the same thing over and over again week in and out. Don’t you think it’s time to take advantage of your weekend to pep things up a little?
There are some fun things couples do at the weekend you can learn from. Try to break out of the routine and discover ways you could get more intimate with each other.
It could take some exercise or playtime together indoors or outdoors to get some energy back into your marriage. Try to think of activities you two like doing together.
Make a list you can refer to often. It’s not enough to have a list but to do something about it. I have mine which includes dancing, playing board games or video games, hide and seek or doing karaoke while something outdoors involves hanging out with friends, watching a movie or shopping together. My list is petite but you could increase yours.
4. Get Your Freak On
I’m an avid user of diaries and I schedule almost everything but I sat and thought of it. How about scheduling intimate moments with my better half? This is something you have to do deliberately else you may never have time to get close to your spouse.
In the early days of my marriage, says Maria, it never happened between us especially when I was not in the mood but as time went on, I realized it was one of the ways on how to keep a man and I had to give myself some pep talk and also talked it out with my man.
Relationships require effort and marriage requires much more effort and that’s why I decided to put I and my man on a schedule. Yes, we schedule intimate times together and in those days we either get someone to look after the kids or send them off to an early night’s rest.
According to authors Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo of the book stripped-down, Alisa advice couples ” calendar” intimate moments. She says they split the week in half, each taking 3 days and agree to initiate making out on their days with Sunday as their day of a rest day. The schedule has a way of making intimacy a priority again in our relationship, she says.
When next you are it with your spouse, imagine that great body everyone outside admires but has no access to, the hands they long to cuddle but is tied because it’s committed to someone else and that person is you.
Do anything to make your time together enjoyable. A change of scenery, music, scented candles, lingerie and all, just go for it.
Building greater intimacy requires greater efforts. You have to “up” your game in order not to slip into a routine again.
5. Appreciate Your Mate
A pat on the shoulder or the back of your spouse or even a thumbs up when they do something for you is great. But come to think of it, it’s been long hours since you tied the knot and you are still together? That’s one thing to be grateful for. You have crossed a lot of hurdles and keep crossing long ones together.
Think of the times they stood by you through thick and thin? Through the job loss and disheartening medical report? Early morning wake-ups so they could fix your meals? the change in plans so they could see you smile even when it was not convenient for them?
The decision to stay at home for a few years so the kids can grow up under careful watchful eyes? The sacrifices you both have made for each other.
Don’t you think your spouse is worth the award of the best spouse of the year? It amazes me sometimes that some couples wait till the end of the year, valentines day or even their wedding anniversaries or birthdays to show appreciation or even spoil their spouse a little.
Some say why say thank you when they are only carrying out their responsibilities? You want to increase the level of intimacy between you two then learn to appreciate your spouse. I asked a couple of friends the most romantic “thank you” they ever got from their spouse and these were their responses.
“I got a card each day for 30 days before my 30th birthday with heartfelt words in each of them for being a super wife and mum to our kids”.~Mary
“I had breakfast delivered down to my office every day for a week”, said Mike
Temi said “on my part, I love surprises, so I could send a package to my man’s office for no special occasion but to say thanks for putting up with me. I know I could be tough to live with sometimes but he has made marriage easy being with him”.
I did not just put this out to excite you but to inspire you to do something special for your better half. Like I always say, it doesn’t have to be dramatic, the motive is what counts but if your mate means much to you, then you will go all out if you can afford it.
In all of these, learn to add a little hint of surprise while trying to revamp. Never be predictable, add some air of mystery to it and the goal of reaching greater intimacy will be reached.
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And never say NO to sex…unless unwell….lol
This is very helpful please keep me inform of subsequent articles in near future. Thanks
This is very helpful when applied in marriage or relationship. Please keep me posted of subsequent articles in near future. Thanks