In some newly formed relationships or even older ones sometimes, there are issues bothering from “he hardly calls me” to “is he losing interest in me” or even “he seems to be withdrawing”.
If I may ask, why are you even considering giving your man space? Did he ask for it or do you think he needs it? Any of the above could leave you confused or even in panic mode. You don’t have to be, as we would be looking at possible ways you can do this and remain sane and not lose your cool.
Matters of the heart could give you sleepless nights sometimes, this bittersweet experience is all part of the mix. In today’s post, we will be exploring how to give your man space without worrying about it.
There comes a time in your relationship where you feel as if your man isn’t interested in you any longer or even acts like he needs it. How do you handle this?
Tara walked into my office one evening looking all disheveled. I could tell that all was not well. She was in tears and could hardly speak up. I handed her a box of tissue and allowed her to calm down. After a few minutes, she opened up.
“I have been in my current relationship with Mark for 4 months now and I’m confused at his recent behavior”, she said. He seems emotionally unbalanced lately. My friends say he could be going through a phase, my mum thinks it could be fear of commitment and he may have suddenly developed cold feet.
“Personally, I can’t tell but I know he’s not the same person I met and fell in love with some months ago. He used to wake me up every morning with a romantic text message and expect that I reply with some sweet words too. But recently, I noticed he seems distant and withdrawn and rarely sends messages like he used to. Whenever he tries to send one, he would sound so casual and off”.
“Other days, I try to be the first to send the messages and he responds with just thank you or ok. He hardly calls and when I do, he sounds like he is either busy or wants to hurry off the phone. I really don’t know what to do because this whole thing is killing me. I am afraid I may lose him. Please help me”.
Most women go through these and more in relationships. I believe Tara’s story will make you relax and know you are not alone. Please find below my response to her.
1. Let Him Have Some Space
The way you handle the situation will go a long way to tell how far your relationship will go. We need to note that men are a lot more different from women and the way they handle issues differs also. Men love winning and are at their best when they are winning.
They would rather withdraw and solve their issues, unlike women who are more open or tend to talk about everything. If he asks for space let him have it and please don’t feel guilty about it.
Don’t feel bad either. If he doesn’t call, let it be. Occupy yourself, go out with friends, do things you love doing. Your being with him may have made you lose your self, this is the best time to revisit you. Get busy, don’t spend time trying to analyze or figure out what you did or did not do that caused his attention to wane.
I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. I know how painful it can be because I’ve been there. At this point, watch the way events unfold. If it takes longer than necessary, draw his attention to it but while you do, don’t sound angry. Just let him know you understand he needs some space and you are willing to let him have it as you understand the phase he is currently in.
Don’t try to put him under any kind of pressure else he will withdraw completely. He may come around or may not. If he does, it’s fine, but if he doesn’t, then know he wasn’t meant for you in the first place.
2. Keep The No Contact Rule
This is a popular line with relationship experts especially when a relationship ends and you need to heal quickly. This involves not making any form of contact with your mate. No calls, text messages or any form of contact online or offline.
If you know likely places they could show up, avoid visiting such places and put away things that remind you of them. Lest I forget also, don’t go about stalking them on any of their social media handles. Keep off completely.
Don’t try to act nice by sending text messages to check on him, let him be. Don’t hurt yourself while trying to get and keep his attention else you would come across as being needy to him. Why do this? Absence makes the heart fonder as it is popularly said. Your absence will most likely make him miss you and come running back to you.
3. Go Out Often With Family And Friends
When I say go out often, I don’t mean hit the club every night but I mean hanging out with friends. Go out with people who mean a lot to you.
You will need all the support you can get at this point. Their hugs, talks and even laughs can do some magic to you. It will help remind you that your life doesn’t have to be centered around your man, you have people who love you and would always be there when you need them.
4. Don’t Go Chasing After Him
I understand you are afraid you may lose him in the long run and as such, you may be tempted to chase after him. Please don’t do it. Especially since you love him and you feel comfortable with him there may be the temptation to chase after him.
It may feel natural to chase – you want him back, so you move toward him. It would feel as if you are putting him under pressure and scare him away.
Don’t try to manipulate or seduce him either as you will not like the way things may end up eventually. You may feel used or even taken advantage of. Let him make his decision without any form of intervention from you.
5. Get Busy
Look for things to keep you busy. You could take on a new hobby, take up new interests or revisit old ones. Take dance classes, take a trip away from your current location if possible or even get a novel or movie if you love reading or watching movies.
This is not the time to listen to romantic songs and drown in your tears. Look for activities to keep you busy. You can be happy with or without a man.
6. Be Happy
I can’t overemphasize this. You don’t need a man to be happy, you are complete with or without a man. Your mate is meant to compliment you. You are complete in yourself. You are whole and can do great things all by yourself.
7. Keep It Low On Your Fear Of Losing Your Man
I said keep it low because sometimes the feeling can be overwhelming. Most times it’s best responding to issues with positive attitudes than going negative.
A confident woman is attractive to a man while a needy woman who needs assurance always could be a natural repellent to him.
Every man wants to be with a secure and happy woman whose face is always lit up. It’s a relationship dear and not marriage, get a grip on yourself. Don’t pout, don’t try to play the tit for tat game or doing something naughty to get back at him.
Be calm. Tell yourself, if he’s for me, he will definitely come back. Before you got into the relationship there was no fear of losing him, get back to that mood.
Don’t expect too much as high expectations too could trigger panic and fear in you. Set him free, if he’s yours, he will return. Some men need some time alone to really know what they want especially when it comes to relationships and getting committed. Understand this and don’t get in the way.
8. Take A Realistic Look At Your Relationship
What got you attracted to him? Will you say this is the kind of relationship you have always wanted? What are the qualities you love about him?
Make a list of the top 10 things you can’t do without in a man. See how early he fits into the picture. Be realistic and remember that there’s no perfect man anywhere.
There are some traits you may have to live with. Does he fit into the man you would want to father your kids in the future? If he’s not, then you may consider ending the relationship but before you do this, check the motive for wanting to end things. Is it because he doesn’t tick the boxes on your ideal man list or you simply want to get back at him for giving you a cold shoulder? Remember what goes around comes around.
9. It Could Be A Test
Yes, you read correctly. It’s possible that your man is putting you through a test to see if you are worth going long term with.
Some men want to see how their women react when they don’t get what they want. It’s easy for a woman to behave well and care so much when all her needs are met but what if there is an unusual change, what happens?
Every man wants a strong woman both emotionally and intellectually. He wants to be sure he’s with a matured woman who is understanding and not assuming and analyzing his actions.
10. Take A Walk
You have been in a waiting mood for over six months- I think that’s way too much for a man that needs space. It’s as good as not being in a relationship. You could call his attention to this and ask what he wants. Don’t shout or vent your feelings on him, don’t ask too many questions or accuse him of not being fair on you.
You would come across as being a bitter person. Instead, let him know the time is too long to keep you on hold. Let him express himself and then take a decision. From your talk with him, you can tell if there’s another woman, if he’s going through stuff or if he has missed you.
Sometimes space is required in a relationship. It could help you stay focused and remind yourself of what you want. Most ladies get into relationships they have no business being in due to pressure to have and keep a man. Others sabotage theirs by being needy or needing assurance continuously.
Being in this situation could open you up to new opportunities and relationships. Build friendships and be more outgoing. Don’t lock yourself in and cry your eyes out. You also need space too to figure out your life goals, get creative and invest in yourself.
You will be surprised to find out that your life may have been on hold because of the man in your life. Keep your options open; you are on a break, remember that so you don’t need to tie yourself up to someone or a future you are not sure of.
Focus on your life goals. Aside from being a future wife and mother, what else would you like to become? The world needs you, don’t lock yourself out. Work on the woman on your inside and prepare yourself for the very best, if the worst happens (perhaps he never returns), you go girl and take on the world. You are whole in yourself!
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