Being a side chic seems to be globally accepted nowadays compared to the time of our grandparents. With the constant desire for good things, no one wants to settle for less and if care is not taken, the main chic can become a side chic.
Who is this woman and why is she being referred to as such? She’s the “other woman” or “mistress”. Some get into being the other woman unknowingly while others venture into it deliberately for monetary favors.
In our present world today, it may be difficult to tell if you are a side item because some men have mastered the art of deceit and honed their skill of changing their personalities to suit whoever they want to catch.
Some ladies find out but remain in because her boo has said he is getting a divorce. I’ve been there and I can tell. In today’s post, I will be sharing some personal experiences. We will be looking at telltale signs that point to you being the other woman in a relationship.
I started dating Kelvin in my late twenties. We got to meet each other in school. He was so nice and caring. He often took me out for lunch and I enjoyed his company because he was so funny and down to earth. His sense of humor was just out of this world. We got close and one thing led to another and we began dating.
I noticed he was very inquisitive and loved asking very personal questions but whenever I tried getting into his world to know him better, I felt like there was a wall between us. He would shut down or sometimes say “can we talk about this later”? Other times he would say he’s a very private person and would not want to divulge some things about himself. This brings me to the first sign of how to know you are a side chic:
1. He Will Never Get Personal With You
After my relationship with Kelvin ended, I sat down to think through and I realized I never really knew him. He hardly talked about his siblings, yet he knew all mine by their names and order. I never knew where he worked even though I knew he was working part-time. I never knew his plans, dreams, visions, and aspirations.
Whenever we are together I do all the talking and when I try to get personal he becomes offended. He never says anything about work. Lovers will always have something to talk about – Either a naughty colleague or a difficult boss or how lunchtime went.
A man always loves to win at whatever he does and if he loves a woman, he will always seek her opinion. She will be a part of some major decision making. When your man hardly discusses his plans with you, it’s a sign you are the other woman.
When you are a side chic, you will never get to know the true nature of your man.
2. He Will Keep You Away From His Friends And Family
I remember my experience with Larry. I noticed he was working so hard and hardly had time to prepare his meals so I offered to do that for him weekly. I will make some soups and light dishes put them in packs and Ziploc bags and hand them over to him.
He was so appreciative and always called me to tell me how he enjoyed his meals. One day, I asked him if he shares his lunch with friends and he answered yes, then I asked him further, what are their comments? When am I going to meet them or at least speak with them?
He responded by saying, introducing me to his friends could be the beginning of the end of our relationship as he doesn’t like mixing business with pleasure and he would rather we remain quiet about our relationship.
My usual slogan has been “if a relationship has to be secret, you have no business being in it”. I got angry and ended the relationship only to see him driving past my house a few weeks later with his wife and kids in his car, I felt so terrible and used.
It’s sad when as ladies we don’t have boundaries or even self-value, we may end up settling for just any man so we can say we are in a relationship. There are minimum requirements a man must meet before he has space in your heart because some men are just beautifully packaged mishap going somewhere to happen.
Another sign you are a side chic is that you will never be seen in the company of your man’s family and friends. Even if you do attend family gatherings, you will be isolated as he will not be bold enough to introduce you to them. It’s a sign his real woman is out there and you are not anywhere close.
3. He Will Ghost On You Sometimes
I dated yet another man who is named Greg. He was asked to go take some rest by his physician because of burnout and stress. Being a great cook, I offered to make some dishes for him and make sure he eats healthy and rest.
You will be thinking I must be a serial dater by now. No, this is what happens in a woman’s world when she searches desperately for love, she may end up with the wrong folks.
Since he always refuses me coming to his house (in fact, I never knew his house, this is another sign), I asked him to come over to my place. I noticed one night that after dinner, he said he wanted to go pick something from the car. I was so tired that I slept off. I woke up at 1 am and he was not in bed with me. I became scared, in fact, I froze. I got out of bed and checked all the rooms, he was nowhere to be found. I look into the garage and realized his car was not there.
I began to call and he never responded. He called the next morning apologizing that he had an emergency and didn’t want to disturb my sleep. I believed him but he repeated this several times on different occasions. You won’t want to know how I found out he was married.
If you are not your man’s main chick, he will always ghost on you. He could stay for days without calling you but call you when he needs you. Keep your eyes open.
4. You Guys Only Hang Out In Hotels Or At Your Place
I used to wonder why Drey would prefer we hang out in hotels very far from the city when there were hotels very close to my place. Whenever we are not at the hotel, we are at my place and he is always time conscious.
We never check into the room together because he would have already made the reservation and asked me to go wait for him or vice versa. When it’s time to leave, he will ask me to leave before him or after him.
I also noticed that whenever he is visiting, he will either be wearing a face cap or sunshade. Little did I know that he had someone he was planning to get married to. Yet again, I failed. I was a side chick.
Does he ask that you hang out in hotels far from where you stay or even prefer hanging out at your place? Whenever he visits, does he sleepover at your place? Do you hang out only during the week and after work? No weekend dates and even if there are, they are usually short and in secluded places. Watch out, it could be a sign that you are a side chic.
5. Watch How He Handles His Phone
A man who has something to hide will always be with his phone. Either in his pocket or checking it often. He could use passwords that you have no access to. He could also rush off the phone especially when he’s talking with you or even hang up strangely. His phone will be on vibrate or silent mode.
That’s why he will always miss your calls even when you are not together. Whenever you have the opportunity to chat, it may be during office hours or late at nice when the real woman is fast asleep. Watch how he saves your number on his phone. It may not even be saved at all too.
6. He Hardly Uses Words Of Endearment On You
Imagine dating a man who rarely says “I love you”. He will hardly use words of endearment when he calls you. He could resort to sarcastic names like ” babe” or even “wifey”. He will also hardly call your name too. Whenever you try to call him by sweet names or even say I love you, he says thank you and never says it back to you.
7. He Hardly Makes Sacrifices For You
When a woman becomes the object of her man’s affection, he will always want to do things to make her happy.
I sat amid a group of young people watching a game show and some tables away from us, I noticed some men in their Fifties chatting and laughing and I overheard one of them say he cannot be committed to any girl. He will rather look for young girls who will not make too many demands from him and he can discard easily at any time.
How does he react when you are in need? When you go through trying times is he always supportive? How does he react when you try to share your burdens with him? He is nonchalant and never makes any effort to assist you when in need.
8. He Will Not Want To Be Seen With You In Public
This has to do with both social gatherings, outings and even on social media. Are you on his WhatsApp status? How about Facebook? Are you an item in any of his social media handles? Their usual line is always, “I am a very private person”. If you are not, reconsider your stand in that relationship you are in.
9. He Uses Cash Always
Whenever you go on dates, how does he make payments? I bet he will never use his card to avoid a paper trail. He will rather pay cash and destroy any receipt he is given immediately.
10. The Only Time You Communicate Well Is When You Are In Bed Together
When you are intimate and the bedroom is steaming hot, he can call you names because he is getting exactly what he wants from you.
Is he always eager to have you laid? How does he treat you in bed? A man in love with a woman will not treat his woman badly or do things that are out of order. He will be concerned about her satisfaction as well. I ask again, how does he treat you in bed?
All of the above just sums up to one thing and that thing is that you are the other woman and you are not on his priority list at all. Why settle for less when you can have the very best that is meant for you?
The moment you begin to think you are a side chic, chances are likely that you are one for real. Trust your intuition, it never lies. We are gifted with that 6th sense as it is popularly called. Use it!
The moment you realize you are one, why not leave the relationship. You cannot validate a wrong relationship because the consequences could be severe. It would not make sense validating bad behavior. Sometimes we encourage our men by choosing to remain in toxic relationships. Don’t go through life playing second fiddle. Own your man.
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