Men are way different from women and to understand them we have to learn to see things through their eyes. A lot of women out there have been made to believe that one of the ways to keep a man in a relationship is going below the belt.
Others say it’s through his stomach, another school of thought also says do whatever it takes or the popular slogan ‘give a man what he wants’ has been said to guarantee a woman first place in a man’s world. I beg to differ in these because I honestly think the best way to know the needs of a man is to ask him.
Men are not as complicated as we think, we only need to understand them and see things through their eyes sometimes. The problem I see here is women treating men to their likes instead of finding out his likes.
Are you seeking to make him commit or do you want to know what his needs are, then let’s look into the needs he can’t do without in a long term relationship. You want him to get more serious with you? Then take a look at the following tips:
1. He Wants To Feel Safe With You
Irrespective of his strong and bold nature, there is a child in every man. That part of him wants to be cuddled, held and wants to be vulnerable with you without being afraid. He wants to connect with you emotionally.
There are things you know about your man that no one else knows (if u are in a long term relationship). He wants a woman that will feel his needs and desires. A Haven for him, he wants to be able to open up to you. He wants to know that he can be himself with you without pretending and you will accept him that way.
I know I write a lot about not chasing a man but there are levels you’ll get to in a relationship and you’ll have to tell him how much you care about him. He likes to hear it too. This is beyond physical intimacy, it’s beyond that to emotional intimacy where you understand how he feels and doesn’t use whatever he says against him. He wants to feel safe being with you.
2. Respect
This is one area that rates very high in a man’s world. It involves holding your man in high esteem. When you truly love a man, it shows in the way you treat him, with respect or disdain? Men see clearly and know when they are loved deeply because when a woman loves, she shows deep respect for her man when they are in or outdoor. Men consider respect in several ways I will be sharing with us right away.
Firstly, he wants to be honored and revered. He wants to be treated specially. He wants to be valued in his entirety -his lead role in the relationship, his emotions even his desires.
You disrespect him when you look down on him, compare him to others, take your misunderstanding beyond you and bring in third parties always or talk him down.
One amazing thing about respecting your man is it makes him happy and helps him behave. It helps his self-esteem. He feels appreciated but if he’s not respected, he feels emasculated. He wants you to defer to him sometimes even when you don’t agree with what he says.
Some ladies only respect their men when they need something from him so they use it as a manipulative tool. Some get into the game of “if I give him what he likes, then he will give me what I like”. This is really wrong as the man will get to find out over time.
Most times it’s best to focus on his good sides too as that will frame how you see him and speak to him.
When you love and respect the person you’re with, you don’t gossip about their failings. You talk about their great qualities because you’re happy for them…which is also a sign you’re happy with yourself.
3. He Wants His Flaws To Be Managed
We are as flawed as our partners and permit me to say even more than they are sometimes. Your man is not perfect and will never be. He expects some understanding from you.
Now don’t get things twisted, I’m not saying you should manage a man that hits you or make you feel less or even a serial cheat. That is beyond a flaw, he needs help and counseling. I’m referring to those things he does that irritates you but you can live with, provided you are not in danger.
I’m referring to him being unappreciative sometimes or even being heady. Some people openly speak ill of their partners, complaining about what they did or didn’t do well, talking down their partner’s decisions and even questioning their judgment.
As you progress in your relationship, the flaws will show up naturally and you can decide if it’s what you can live with or not. I also know how frustrating it can be but I will be giving us further tips on how to manage them.
A. Learn To Overlook Some Of His Shortcomings
Does he forget to close the door when he gets into the house? Or even forget to do something you want him to do. These are minor compared to having your relationship filled with so much tension and quarrels always.
Remember he may have been like this for a very long time and would need some patience to be able to change. I believe he’s making efforts too, so don’t be quick to put his slips in his face always. Be understanding and learn to overlook.
B. You Can’t Stay Mute Always So When He Slips, Please Bring It To His Notice With Love
This is easier said than done, I agree but when winning your man and maintaining peace is your motive, you will learn to present issues to him lovingly.
C. Respond Differently
Even when he slips, try to look at things from the brighter side. Make jokes out of it, praise him for making efforts and let him know you appreciate him even with the flaws even though you know he is trying his best too.
Remember when he changes, you will also receive the credit for having changed him. Don’t keep a record of his wrongdoings, let bygones be bygones. Learn to forgive when he wrongs you too. Don’t keep seeing him through the lens of his mistakes.
4. He Wants To Be Appreciated And Accepted
There is a king in every man that wants to be appreciated. He may not be the breadwinner in the relationship but needs to hear once in a while from you that he is doing his best. This will let him know he is doing well and propel him to do better. This may sound strange but another way to appreciate your man is by staying faithful to him.
When I cheat it shows there’s a void you are trying to fill. Unless if he is not what you want, then do the right thing by ending the relationship before getting into another. A man wants a faithful woman who will have his back at all times.
It’s easy to take your man for granted, after all, you have been together for quite some time now but don’t forget that he needs praises. See the good in him and celebrate his strengths too. Don’t make him go outside your relationship-seeking approval as there are a thousand and one ladies out there who can do better.
5. He Needs An Encourager
Remember a man loves working so much that when he feels like he is winning, it becomes a plus for him. He needs someone who will motivate and encourage him to always go for it.
“My job is a very stressful one and whenever I want to give up or talk to my lady about throwing in the towel, I hear Marie’s voice telling me I can do it and if I keep at it, my hard work will pay off someday”. I feel great knowing she believes in me and my abilities. It’s always encouraging to hear her say to me, “come on Roy, you can do this, keep the faith, there’s no better man for the job”.
Things don’t come easy and life could be unfair that’s why men would rather commit to a motivator than a Queen of the park. He knows that he can achieve so much more with her positive words to him.
6. He Needs You To Be Successful Too
Every man wants to be a provider but he still needs some level of support too. This is why for men to commit to you, they want to be sure you have something to offer. I tell ladies, being in a relationship isn’t a trophy, it’s an invitation to work.
How are you impacting your man? What contributions have you made into his life lately? Don’t be surprised he is watching especially when he wants something long term.
I dated Grey just after I got my first job and he was terribly ill. We started dating about 6 months before his health challenge came up, I was at a point where I needed to take things slowly but I made sure I was there for him.
I checked on him in the hospital before going to work and on my way back daily. I cooked some meals for him and helped with his medications, I helped bring a change of clothes for him too. This was what endeared him to me.
He confessed after we got married that he was seeing 3 of us at that time of his life but I stood out because he could see genuine care and love for him even though I was also committed to my job. I made time for him, it showed commitment. Imagine if I sat down all day waiting for him to provide all my needs?
Men avoid women who cannot take care of themselves. Don’t be too dependent on your man, get a life, work, create something but by no means stay idle. Every man likes a strong woman.
7. He Wants To Be Able To Communicate
This point cannot be overemphasized. Communication occurs at different levels.
Your man wants friendship and this involves getting connected on all levels ranging from intellectual, emotional and every area you can think of. He wants to be able to relate with you on all levels, he wants to be able to relate with you and share his work, dreams, goals and even himself with you. And when he does that, what do you do? You talk while he’s expressing himself or you listen carefully?
At this point, you can assist by asking questions and allowing him to speak without interruption. When he doesn’t speak, allow him some time as a lot could be on his mind. He will definitely come around when he feels better.
In trying to please him and make him happy, note also that men love attractive ladies. He wants a confident woman who knows how to mix her colors and appear stunning always so he can show you off.
Voila, we have the checklist listed above. They have been written in no particular order as they are all important. Watch your man closely and see what he desires, ask questions too and search for ways to make him happy. Don’t be manipulative with it, just keep it real.
There’s also no need staying in a relationship you are not happy with just to have a man. This list may not work if you are in a competitive relationship, I mean if you are dating a serial cheat. But, if you want something long term, you could give these a try.
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