Money and relationships are two vital inseparable, they will always come to play in every kind of relationship. Either between couples as man and wife or between employer and employee as salaries or wages or even parent and children as upkeep. Money and relationships are intertwined and as such must be given adequate attention.
The Pandemic that has currently crippled the world’s economy has also put some kind of stress on marriages. This is due to the fact many jobs have been downsized. As it affects the individuals in a marriage, it also takes its toll on the couples.
Partners have had to deal with unwelcome lifestyle changes in order to put up with economic realities around the world. The thought of bills piling up, job loss or even losing a property can bring the worst out of people.
Very little things such as buying too much of a particular foodstuff can result in anger or even communication breakdown in the home. At this time and under such conditions, the differences in spending habits surface which sometimes lead to the blame game.
The end product is that the necessary affection needed to put a home together is lost and ultimately it can lead to separation. When it comes to money in a relationship, it affects every area ranging from sensual to communication patterns to even a couple’s health.
Issues related to money and relationships if not dealt with can get couples to the brink of divorce. The truth is, every relationship will have altercations when it comes to spending habits and personal preferences.
Some partners have found how to deal with these issues while others have failed to recognize why their union is falling apart just yet. Self-pity, dissatisfaction, anger, resentment and eruption of tension over little arguments are usually the conditions of a home that have not recognized what issues related to money can bring.
The differences in financial habits can be harnessed to help couples work as a team to overcome financial challenges. Instead of blaming each other because one of you is a spendthrift while the other is a saver, you can stop that blame game, fight the problem at hand and not fight each other.
Despite the fact you both have different opinions and ways you see things including how money should be handled, you’ve got to remember being partners especially in marriage means you have to start thinking alike, having one mind and spirit.
Irrespective of your differences, if you want a future together, you have to take responsibility for it by making financial sacrifices that will gratify one another’s desires, not just yours.
The financial crisis going on in many homes generated by the global economic downturn has got much to do with self-gratification rather than just the money problem. It is to see how much sacrifices can be made for the good of the marriage you have worked hard to build all these years.
Couples will begin to distinguish the difference between what they want and what they actually need. This is the underlying factor that will determine how many financial crises will be resolved among partners. Partners should be resolved to seize the opportunity in facing adversity together which will ultimately result in the renewal of trust and stronger bond.
Is Money Important In Relationships?
Relationships are meant to be built and sometimes they require massive efforts to accomplish. These efforts may be futile if conditions for the use of money are not well placed. This is because without money we have limited options on what we can do and how we can treat our partners. You can see another connection between money and relationships.
Also, our money spending habits also define the kind of people we want to be in a relationship with. It helps us find partners with similar spending habits rather than conflicting habits which could be a problem when in a relationship.
Some really honest persons have one time or the other explained how the money wouldn’t affect who they choose to be with as a partner. A lady once explained how she has dated different people which included the rich, poor, broke, jobless, etc., but that the person she actually loved most was a broke guy.
That was her experience she shared, trying to reiterate the point that money can’t buy love and that it shouldn’t matter in any relationship.
However, to be honest with oneself, enjoying a relationship with a broke guy happens simply because there was no avenue for the guy to release his ego.
A penniless guy will be the most romantic, loving, caring and humble personality you can find around. Things change when the money comes and the man is giving the leverage to flex his financial muscles.
It is safe to say before going into a relationship try studying your partner’s financial habits. It will give you an idea of who you are really dealing with. And also, don’t think because someone is humble due to lack of money at the moment, that he will remain that way all the time.
Whether we acknowledge it or not, money always has a way of impacting all aspects of our lives, relationships included. Studies by Wells Fargo and NerdWallet found that 44% of people find talking about money more controversial than any other topic including religion and politics. It could be due to the embarrassment of paying debts or not being able to measure up with friends on social media.
Whatever the case may be, people are often afraid to talk about money-related issues. That has to be different in your relationship because it matters a lot. It helps you know your partner and helps you two purposefully draw closer to your goals as you plan among yourselves.
The following points substantiate the money and relationship connection, how to deal with money issues in a relationship and why it is important.
- Your partner’s money handling ability tells you of their characters
- Money gives you the power to leave a bad relationship
- You’ll need to keep your kids happy and healthy
- Guys find women who can earn a living attractive
- Arguments disappear easily when there is money
- Financially independent partners don’t have to worry about ulterior motives, etc.
How Can Financial Problems Affect A Marriage And How To Manage finances In A marriage
Money conflicts are a major source of divorce especially as statistics show about a third of adults with partners report the money as a big source of conflicts in their relationships.
More so, money has been known to be a major cause of divorce. It could lead to conflicts that bring a lot of unhappiness in marriages. This could range from unhappiness over your partner’s spending habits or arguments that arise when what’s left to pay bills at the end of the month isn’t enough.
Therefore couples have to inculcate the habit of talking about financial issues regularly in a healthy and transparent manner. Working as a team, when you plan your budgets together it helps create a stronger bond between you two.
It will interest you to know that 40% of couples are estimated not to know about their partner’s income. That’s really not going to help situations in marriages especially when conflict sets in. Let’s take a look at how can financial problems affect marriages.
Acquiring Debts And Repayment Plans
This becomes an issue when one partner is debt-free while the other is laden with debts. When they decide to talk about the debts and how to service them, then arguments and disagreements creep in.
As a couple, you have to decide how debts are paid whether from the person who accrued it or from both partners. When these things are not made clear, one partner saves while the other partner uses the savings to service their debts. This can be devastating as it will put your marriage on the brink of a breakdown.
As partners, you have to decide how best to deal with debts and what strategy to apply. Even before getting into debt, it’s best to have an honest conversation about it. Debts incurred which were not necessary is another source of disaffection and distrust. It’s best the input of both parties are taken into consideration when any partner intends to take a loan.
Also while dating, as you prepare for marriage, it is necessary to open up on an existing debt rather than keeping it to yourself. Some couples get into trouble preparing for a marriage ceremony because these ceremonies are conducted by debts and loans, sometimes without the consent of your intending partner.
It is best not to be in a situation as such and even when you find yourself in such a situation, it is best to be open about it with your partner. Marriage shouldn’t start off with big secrets.
Dealing With Children
In the United States, it is estimated that the average amount spent to raise a child to age 18 is $233,610 according to the Department of Agriculture.
Remember some children decide to remain in their parent’s house, not wanting to leave and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. There are those who may live far away yet as parents you are still responsible to them. It isn’t just about giving birth but about the ability to raise them.
The first question is to decide if at all you are going to have kids and on the number of kids, you will want to have when you decide on having them. The long list of children’s expenses can not be overemphasized. You have to decide on how to keep them happy as it will affect your home negatively if taken unawares.
Remember children are products of the atmosphere you create for them. Money creates the right atmosphere for kids as they grow up. Setting aside money for their upkeep is what some couples do even before the children come into the world. Creating a savings account for their expenses will go a long way.
Children’s bills sometimes come unexpectedly, therefore preparing ahead for them is a good option. It is also going to do you a whole lot of good if you inculcate good financial habits into your children. This will prevent you from dipping into your savings to make unnecessary spending due to their recklessness. You secure your future when you teach them good financial habits.
Power Play
This has to do with who decides how money is spent and what it is spent on. There are certain conditions that could lead partners to the point where one partner decides how money is used in the home.
These conditions could range from one partner having a paid job while the other is not employed to both partners having jobs but one earns considerably higher than the other or when one partner comes from an affluent home while the other doesn’t.
In all cases, the partner who earns more or has a better source of income decides how money is spent in the home. It isn’t necessarily bad for one partner to dictate how money is spent but there must be cooperation and both partners have to work as a team. If that’s not the case, the home could be in jeopardy.
Dealing with one’s ego is the biggest issue when it comes to the power play. The partner who earns more or is more affluent tends to act selfishly, aggressively and impulsively when it comes to money spending and shows less empathy towards the other partner.
The other partner who doesn’t have the finance at their disposal will inevitably be faced with the stress and anxiety that comes with it. For this reason, some partners decide to give up power to the less earning partner to make all the money spending decisions. It is a big one but has been known to be effective for a lot of couples.
If you can give up the power on how to spend the money, you may just be creating a stronger bond in your home.
Splitting The Bills
In order to be fair to one another, some couples decide to share the bills and divide the income they get fairly among themselves. Having done that, whatever is left on each partner is used to make purchases or on personal things any require.
It is a good idea and plan but it can lead to resentment among partners. When one partner sees what the other has purchased it could build grudges in them when they aren’t comfortable with the amount of money spent on an item.
This eliminates the financial value of marriage where long term goals are planned together and achieved. They wouldn’t care about how to save money to achieve the goal of moving into their new home for example.
Also, having divided the spending power will encourage partners to keep money from themselves which ultimately leads to what is known as financial infidelity.
If this issue can’t be dealt with by having honest conversations about your finances, then a marital contract can be effective. Bear in mind that merely bringing it up can bruise the heart of either partner. If not properly handled, you may just be destroying your marriage.
Financial Habits
This has to do with how partners spend money and their financial habits. It all boils down to shopping habits, gaming habits, saving habits, etc. While one partner isn’t concerned about the impact of loans and debts on their finances, the other partner is very prudent and wants to save, invest even if it means letting go of present pleasure for future benefits.
This can actually be frustrating if you happen to be the prudent partner and over time, discontent and resentment creep in. Even when both partners are debt-free, the issue of spending and saving can cause a gulf between partners.
Oftentimes one partner may be prudent but still have a bad habit somehow which needs to be dealt with. Whichever profile you have when it comes to financial habits, it is necessary to identify bad habits and deal with them for the good of the union.
It is expedient that couples understand their financial habits before even tying the knots. They should be open about these habits to their partners even before marriage. This will give the other partner an idea and perhaps adjust accordingly and not be taken by surprise.
Having honest and transparent conversations will give them at least an idea of what to expect. Also one should be able to honestly acknowledge when one’s spending habits have become unhealthy addictions and should be willing to adjust accordingly for the good of the union.
Dealing With Extended Family Members
As couples, it is one thing to meet your relationship expectations and it is another to satisfy your partner’s family expectations while also putting in mind your goals and needs.
When it comes to extended family members, there are no rules to govern anyone on how to deal with them. However, it is best not to take it as a battle. You may win the battle but the penalty you get from the loser may overshadow any gains from the victory.
Always seeking one another’s consent about relatives and talking about how best to deal with the financial demands of extended family members is a great way to start. You have to make your partner see reasons with you for deciding to spend or not to spend on relatives.
If you don’t take it seriously, you may get an angry, resentful and bitter. Always fall back to the borderline of coming to an understanding of the whole situation.
Money and relationships are inseparable, they need to be given adequate attention. Dating Couples today talk about other things and sometimes ignore the money and relationships issue. Forgetting that when they begin to share space, who pays for what will definitely come up and when that happens when they are not prepared for their roles, it could put pressure on both of them.
Are you single, dating or even married, do not ignore the money and relationships talk, it’s very important and could save you some untold hardship and pain in the nearest future.
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