What is compatibility in a relationship? Aaron Zhu defined compatibility in a relationship as the ability to be truly happy with one another.
Though every relationship starts off as a result of partners thinking they love one another, the truth is, they can be happy with one another without being in love. On the other hand, partners have known to be in love but break up after only a few months due to lack of compatibility.
Some experts have argued through research that the personality factor influences the compatibility of partners. Others have objected and declared that while that may be the case, the personality may not be the determining component of whether partners are compatible or not.
Furthermore, the fact there is a correlation between personality and successful relationships is not to say such correlation is the cause.
In light of all these, intending partners should take into consideration both personality factors, love factors and every other factor which they deem necessary in making their choice of partners.
While it is safe to advise partners to come to a compromise in terms of their characters in other to become compatible with their partners, it is practically injurious to their personalities to do just that.
It is thus safe to advise partners that before they get to meet their boyfriends, girlfriends or spouse, they should choose partners who are more compatible with their lifestyles rather than just depending on love.
There are no fast rules or quick signs to truly know if you are compatible. For partners to be compatible, they should be able to coexist with one another. This means they are completely happy and content with the idea of being together for the rest of their lives.
It’s okay to use some statistical measures to try and see if your partner is compatible with you but be rest assured that, in simple terms what you really need to know is if you can live happily with this person and be comfortable with them for the rest of your lives.
Compatibility Tests For Couples
As couples, the manner in which you manage, spend, save, invest money,etc., is very important in a relationship. Couples have to agree on how money is being managed, you both have to agree on how such plans are carried out.
The way you approach intimacy as couples matter as well. This has to do with the initiation of sensual intimacy, the frequency and the preferable ways you want to go about it. In this case, we are talking about sensual compatibility. If it becomes a challenge, visiting a therapist won’t do you any harm.
Another key issue to address as couples is the issue of religious beliefs. It’s advisable to marry someone with similar beliefs as yourself. This may not be much of a problem when you have no children yet but when they eventually come, that gulf will be evident.
If you are already married and you are in that phase, it means one of you has to compromise their beliefs for peace to reign in the home.
In other to maintain your union and ensure peace in the home, it is best to give the children religious independence to make their own choice and avoid punishing them if they don’t end up choosing your side of the faith. If not properly handled, such cases can go violent and cause breakup in the home.
Are We Too Different To Make It Work?
No! You are not too different such that it can’t work? If you fall under the category of people who say, ‘we are not compatible but I love him or her’, you can still have a shot at it provided the both of you are willing to go the extra mile to make it work.
Remember relationship is a collective and collaborative effort. If you two understand yourselves and are determined to make it work, it will definitely work.
Before you start fretting about the issue of incompatibility with your partner, try to be calm, be true to yourself, have a heart to heart conversation with your partner and see how it goes. The basic things you should look at concerning your partner in terms of compatibility are core values.
If your differences are minor disagreements and little things that can be resolved, it’s better to resolve them. Successful relationships are built on resolving incompatibilities and learning to deal with differences.
It is necessary you pinpoint the key areas in which compatibility is important. Such areas include temperament, intellect, life goals, interests, etc.
It’s important you understand why your partner likes what they like and be supportive of them even when you don’t share the same interest. You don’t have to like what they like but just give them support when necessary.
That being said, you also have to identify areas and correct values that are non-negotiable and not flexible. After articulating why such values are important to you and why they can’t be compromised you have to decide if you can live with this for the rest of your life.
You have to decide if four(4) to eight(8) years from now when the love that brought you two together is famished, if you can still continue in the relationship without feelings of regrets and hurts.
Relationship Compatibility List
There are many areas where compatibility is identified in a relationship but the five main areas include:
1. Intellectual Compatibility
This has to do with perspectives, level of understanding and intelligence, respect, etc. Life will be easier for you guys if you are in a relationship with someone who thinks like you.
2. Spiritual Compatibility
It’s always easy to sweep this under the carpet but it could rear its head deep into the union with your partner especially when children start coming.
3. Physical Compatibility
This isn’t just necessary to get the relationship on its foot, it is also a core requirement to keep it going on the long run. Usually established relationships tend to be less physical than new ones. Romantic relationships get difficult when you don’t find yourselves attractive anymore. That being said, efforts should be made to encourage physical intimacy especially for established relationships.
4. Emotional Compatibility
Partners don’t necessarily have to express emotions in the same manner. Some are volatile while others are calm and steady. Most times having different emotions tend to be good for couples to balance out each other.
5. Social Compatibility
This part of compatibility is very key in a relationship. It may look insignificant at the start of the relationship but as it progresses, it becomes a big issue when social outings and social behaviours tend to vary. In this area, it’s best to go out with someone who is on the same page with you.
10 Obvious Signs You Are Not Compatible With Your Partner
1. The Future You Imagine Tend To Be Different
Whether you are in the dating phase of your relationship or you are married partners, the future you imagine together is very important. In the beginning, it’s easy to suggest that you can always sacrifice your dreams for each other. This, on the long term results to one partner being unsatisfied and unhappy due to unfulfilled dreams and future.
Once your future whether immediate or long term isn’t compatible, you have to make a decision on that relationship. If you tend to see things differently and never reach a compromise, then it could be one of the signs that you are not compatible with your partner.
2. You’ve Outgrown Your Partner
A relationship works well when partners have mutual respect for one another despite their financial or material status. If however, you find yourself looking down on your partner due to his or her current status, it’s a sign you are not compatible together.
It could get to the point where a lady will despise her man simply because you happen to do better than him financially. As a guy, you may see your woman as not leveling up to your class which will result in you looking outside for pleasure.
3. Your Areas Of Interest Vary
A clear sign of incompatibility is when you always seem to have contradicting areas of interest. In the first place area of interest have been known to foster relationships. That alone isn’t enough to keep the relationship going.
Over time you tend to find out you had a similar interest in one or two areas but majorly you differ in many things. If your differences will bring dissatisfaction later in your union, then it’s a sign you should both quit.
4. Your Partner Often Let You Down
This is one of the signs you are not compatible with your partner. Have you noticed that your partner cares little about how you feel? They always get you angry without feeling sorry for it. This is a sign that they will keep doing things like this without remorse.
Sometimes they are just addicted to getting people upset. Yes, some persons actually derive pleasure in upsetting others probably because they grew up in such atmospheres. You have to decide if you can put up with such an attitude for a long period of time because it’s a clear sign of incompatibility. It will keep repeating and could turn the relationship to an abusive one.
5. You Can’t Share Things With Your Partner
When you find yourself not bothering to share things about yourself and experiences, with your partner because you know they are not listening or won’t take you seriously, it’s a sign you are not compatible with each other.
I don’t advocate for partners to pretend to be listening just to please their other half because you can’t keep up for so long. Sooner or later, your partner will find out you are not interested in their conversations after all. It’s one of the signs you are not compatible with your partner.
6. Your Partner Is Critical About Your Looks
A compliment is one ingredient of building relationships. It’s a sign your efforts to present yourself attractive to your partner are not in vain and that they are appreciated.
Things change when your looks (which is the first glaze of attraction your partner ever had on you) are not appreciated anymore. This is a clear indication of incompatibility. Maybe what you guys had was just a temporary attraction or temporal compatibility. Read my writing, it’s one of the signs that you are not compatible with your partner.
7. Not Getting The Support You Deserve
Things often get complicated when your partner fails to give you their support in crucial moments of your life. This will always lead to friction between you guys. It’s always an indication of incompatibility because you won’t be able to put up with that for very long.
8. When Perceptions Don’t Match
Having conflicting perspectives on different issues can be a blessing in disguise if properly harnessed. There is no reason why you and your partner should agree on every topic, religious sentiments, political affiliations, sports, etc.
This however shouldn’t lead to disrespect of your partner by ridiculing their beliefs and questioning their opinions every time they are given. If that’s the case, however, it’s one of the huge signs you are not compatible with your partner. you guys are surely not compatible.
9. Difficulty In Adjusting To Your Partner’s Traits
When you find yourself getting irritated by every little thing your partner does and their habits put you off regularly, it’s clear you both will find it tough putting up together for a long time. Instead of letting yourself go through all the pain of annoyance each time you see your partner, it’s better to quit the relationship.
There are times one of you is already addicted to habits which are not very cute. In such a case you must have an honest conversation about that habit.
For instance, your partner takes food to the bedroom and eats on the bed and you are not cool with it. You have to talk over it. If you talk about it and there seems to be no difference, then it definitely will cause you to be annoyed whenever they do it. If you know you can’t put up with such, you have to make a decision at that point.
10. They Listen To Others More Than You
This is very critical because a partner who can’t listen to you can easily be manipulated by any third party who fancy any of you as a partner. When your partner listens to outsiders more, it’s a sign they don’t have regard for you or are not really into you as you may have thought. This becomes an issue when you have a partner who has strong ties to his immediate family.
Having strong ties is very good and that’s the desire of anyone building a home. This however has to be adjusted once you have a partner you trust. Family shouldn’t really be allowed to mingle into your private businesses and your choice of a partner.
Once you find your partner not being able to open up to you as they do with outsiders, it’s clear you guys are not compatible. Need I tell you more? No girl, it’s one of the signs you are not compatible with your partner.
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