What are the signs he is a good man may be a really tough question on your mind as you read this? Truth is no one can correctly predict the intents and thoughts of anyone except given extra help by spiritual means or from thorough research on human behaviour.
In the same vein, we can’t categorically declare a partner the perfect fit for us because we can’t get to know everything about them from the little time we spend with them.
Notwithstanding, there are certain qualities every lady desires in the guy she intends to spend the rest of her life with. ‘Why’ she chooses such qualities or the basis on ‘which’ she decides which qualities are most necessary for her partner is entirely up to her.
However, these ‘whys’ and ‘which’ are very important because they eventually decide if she has started making the wrong choice even without getting the opportunity to choose.
These qualities could come from the personal needs of the ladies involved but that won’t be enough. Some ladies use instincts to determine the best persons they think can be the perfect partners while others use experiences gained over the years to make their choices.
Whichever method you employ, you will finally come to the day you make your choice about your partner. One thing is clear since we are different in our needs, there’s every possibility that the qualities you look out for in your man may not be that your friend will be looking out for as well.
Our temperaments have a huge role to play here. We don’t get to choose which families give us birth nor do we decide which families get to raise us.
Most times we are products of our environment and upbringing. The kind of qualities we possess largely depends on our first home. The fact a guy has this hot-tempered personality doesn’t mean no lady can love him. Since it’s just a temperamental issue and not a mental or addictive issue, he can be your perfect partner given the right ingredients of love.
For every character, there is another character that can bring out the best of that person. So the choices of our perfect matches will obviously be different.
There are however some general qualities which we must watch out for and that’s the essence of this article.
Generally, ladies are considered the more emotional gender compared to the male folks and this has truly influenced the factors they employ in choosing who the perfect partner is.
The movie industry has not helped either because what is portrayed are stories of love fairy tales that have a happy ending which is not always the case in the real world. Ladies tend to buy into these fairytale stories due to their emotional nature and sometimes it clouds their judgments.
True, whoever you choose to be your partner must be emotionally attached to you but some of these emotions don’t really last beyond the honeymoon period which occurs at the beginning phase of every relationship.
Emotions should not be allowed to dictate your choice of partner who you intend to spend the rest of your life with. You would have known emotions have taking preeminence when you make your choice based on qualities such as these:
- He makes you feel relaxed
- He is loyal
- You’re attracted to him
- He is romantic
- He is sweet
- He is always willing to do anything for you
- He makes you happy, etc.
Are these all signs that he is a good man? All the qualities listed above and many more are great and necessary for a romantic relationship and great marriage but they may not see you through when stormy times arrive in your union.
Arguments are a necessary part of every union and those qualities are driven by emotion that may not truly define how your partner reacts in moments of anger or when tempers are raging.
Here are some signs he is a good man and qualities you should watch out for:
1. He Argues To Reach An Understanding
The first stage of every argument is mostly confrontation. A confrontation may not generate arguments if properly managed. It is a fact of life that arguments are inevitable in any relationship and even in marriage. Therefore managing arguments is very necessary for a healthy marriage.
What causes argument is simply misunderstanding and the goal of every argument should be to remove the ‘m-is’ from ‘misunderstanding’ and get to a point of ‘understanding’.
Guys generally like to be seen as bosses and winners against their spouses which they intend to subdue in every aspect. This affects the kind of treatment they give to their ladies whether consciously or unconsciously.
When it comes to arguments, it should be remembered that the goal is not for either spouse to become victorious but for a couple to gain victory over the argument by bringing in understanding at the end.
It takes a mature man to realise this and as you choose your man, you should watch out for this. Watch out how he acts towards you during arguments and if there is any tendency of physical or emotional assault.
Some guys take losses very badly, so when they realise they are wrong or they are the cause of a problem, the argument goes violent, would you want to find yourself with such a man? Ask yourself. You shouldn’t get married to someone who has unhealthy and turbulent patterns when you argue.
Examples of such patterns could be that he lets arguments drag on for days or weeks or being aggressive towards each other or closing yourselves off to each other and then pretend it’s all fine. Nothing should be taken for granted. A guy with such a pattern isn’t mature for marriage. You wouldn’t want to live in the same house with your spouse and act like total strangers.
The bottom line is that you should be with someone you can argue with and yet get to a point of understanding and even talk about the argument, what led to it and how to prevent it in the future. This is very key. This is one of the signs he’s a good man.
2. He Is Someone You Are Proud Of
There is no worse feeling than you being embarrassed by your partner, especially in public places. This could be due to his physique, appearance, or even attitude.
A lady deserves a man she can boast of even with his shortcomings. You shouldn’t choose your partner out of pity, perhaps because he is physically challenged or handicapped.
If you end up with a handicapped man you only married due to pity, pressure or money, a perfect prince charming would be sent your way sooner or later and you may just start off infidelity.
Whatever disabilities your man may have, you have to ask yourself sincerely if it doesn’t embarrass you. Also, your partner shouldn’t embarrass you in the presence of your friends and family.
You should be able to stand up for him even in their midst without the feeling of embarrassment. You shouldn’t just be proud of your partner for the love, care and attention you get from them but also for the qualities they show the world.
Remember, sincerity is key here. One can grope in self-deception and act like it’s all fine when it’s not. You can’t keep going that way all your life.
3. He Doesn’t Shy Away From Challenges
A man who shies away from challenges will eventually shy away from responsibilities. Marriage is very unpredictable as it the mix of both good and unpleasant experiences. Cases have been recorded where partners leave their spouses due to financial challenges, ailments and other challenges.
The inability to face challenges has been known to be the major factor responsible. Some male partners are not just matured as they appear with all the “Johnny Bravo” looks. They are still babies in the making.
You wouldn’t want to nurse another baby in the marital home while waiting for the one in your womb. In choosing your partner, watch how he faces challenges. It’s True that not all men are creative or talented as you expect but at least the show of a little industry from the male partner is a necessary requirement.
You have to watch out for what he does when he is faced with challenges. Some take up alcohol because they shy away from squaring up against their challenges, while others vent their frustration on their partners. After observing your partner, you have to decide if you can deal with all his negative exhibitions when it eventually arises.
4. He Is Consistent And Dependable
Further signs he is a good man is his ability to be consistent and dependable. There is no better way to know if your partner is respectful but by the measure of his consistency.
You should be with a partner who you can take by his word. If he says he will be at your house by 4 pm, then he should be there by that time and if for any reason he won’t make it, he will have to let you know. Such characteristics show he is selfless and holds you in high esteem.
Don’t be carried away by the ‘ladies first’ or the perfect gentleman showcase. It could fade away but consistency will maintain respect and integrity in the relationship. Being consistent also means he doesn’t run hot and cold on you all the time.
A partner who is not consistent will sooner or later start having disregard for you when eventually you both are married. Such partners are the type that won’t fulfill their promises in marriages, thus breaking their marital vows mean nothing to them. People who don’t fulfill their promises before marriage cannot be trusted even in marriage, harsh but true.
A dependable partner is very necessary because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you can depend on all the time. Such a partner, even in the event he disappoints he will call up and apologize. You wouldn’t want someone who makes you feel guilty for his failures.
5. He Can Stand Up For You
The perfect fit for your marriage is a partner who you are not ashamed or embarrassed to be with. In the same vein, your partner shouldn’t be ashamed of you. He should be able to stand up for you and fight for you.
Family, friends, neighbours, colleagues at work and even religious brethren may not embrace you fully after your attachment to your husband. You should have a man who can defend you and can speak on your behalf.
As stated earlier you shouldn’t have a baby who can be tossed to and fro by opinions and perceptions, as a partner. It will really hurt to have someone who criticizes you before his family and friends instead of defending you and demanding that they respect you.
You should be with someone who will stand up for you whenever you are in a situation you need support, without you having to tell him.
6. You Trust Each Other
If your union is ever going to work, you and your partner must have absolute trust for one another. Trust is the foundation of every successful marriage.
If your man trusts you and you trust him completely, then he is a good choice. This can be a major issue especially for partners that are naturally protective and easily get jealous. You need a man who can protect you but not the one that will protect you out of opportunities due to his possessiveness.
If you have a partner who questions you about any guy who comes around you due to jealousy, then you have to decide if you can really deal with it in marriage. Such partners are overprotective and could cost you friends and opportunities.
Trust will also prevent you from privately investigating your man if he is cheating on you and all that. If he gives you no reason not to trust him, then you shouldn’t just become investigative police overnight. It is not necessary to test your partner either with your friends or with any self-created situation. It may mean you never trusted them and that could be the beginning of the deterioration of your relationship.
7. He Is Matured Emotionally And Mentally
Emotional maturity means someone can be sincere and honest with themselves such that they perform introspection and be genuine about their feelings without the fear of being perceived as weak.
An emotionally mature man won’t be caught up with the toxic ideas of masculine superiority. He will admit when he is wrong and see the shortcomings in his personality and consciously work on them. He won’t use his emotional health as an excuse to drag you down even as he knows you are always there to support him through his challenges.
Many times male partners tend to transfer stress from work or family down to their spouse which is a sign of emotional and mental immaturity. This isn’t to say a man to be married stops being funny, childish or playful but he should know when to draw the line to get serious and get things done. He should have the mental strength when the situation arises.
A mature partner knows he has a career to pursue, goals to achieve and even though you are his number one priority as a wife, he has to have the mental ability to fulfill all he has set out for himself. It takes the test of character and mental strength to do all these.
8. He Is Financially Responsible
The man you are going to answer ‘Mrs.’ to, for the rest of your life should be one who has good financial habits. He doesn’t have to be a millionaire or one who regularly buys expensive gifts to impress you. On the contrary, while buying gifts is great, lovely and romantic, you can’t tell how well his financial health is.
A financially responsible partner is one who has savings to dig into in the event of an emergency or job loss and one who has a financial plan to create wealth gradually. You will want a partner who is responsible with money. Financial responsibility doesn’t mean someone who is too serious with money.
A partner who is too serious with money will continue that way in marriage. If you notice your partner has these challenges, all you do is talk it through. If he doesn’t seem to change, then you will be better off with a different partner.
9. He Never Leaves You Confused
As simple as it sounds, this is one of the most important things you should watch out in your partner. Intent matters a lot and most times it is hidden. However, at least you should have a clue about where the relationship is heading. When it isn’t clear where the direction is heading to, it’s better to quit than grope in uncertainty.
10. He Supports Your Goals
Understanding one another’s goals in life is very key to a successful marriage. This is because it will determine the directions you take in the marriage. Conflicting goals can be a major hindrance to the progress of a marriage. You may have talked about it lightly but the results from your conversations matter a lot.
You shouldn’t ignore it when your partner clearly indicates that he isn’t interested in your line of profession or career path or country of residence. It could lead to conflict when compromises have to be made in the future and one of you will have to live with dissatisfaction for all your union.
It’s easy for someone to say he supports you but it’s his actions that will tell. It’s simple, how does he react when you have a time-dependent goal to achieve? Does he just call up to see your progress or does he offer a lending hand or just leave you at the mercy of your own results?
Of course, sometimes it’s necessary to let you do your work all by yourself but what about when you need support? If you realise he is always giving excuses or avoiding such responsibilities, it simply means in marriage, he will behave the same way. This doesn’t mean however that any guy who supports your works is a perfect fit for marriage.
Some guys actually can be patient in giving a helping hand as long as they get their hands on the medal they want to give themselves with you.
A healthy union is one that can stand the test of time, coming through the stormy and rocky times and emerging stronger than ever before. To achieve this, you have to be sure that both of you are ready for the commitment involved to work it out.
It’s also essential to watch out for signs he is a good man. This means all these qualities you expect to see in your partner should be in you as well.
There is an adage that you marry who you resemble. Also, not to get it twisted, you may not necessarily see all these qualities in the right proportions in your partner.
In this case, what it means is that your relationship needs to bloom and mature a little more before you decide to tie the knot. You can sit and talk about these issues and work together towards being the spouses you want to be. It’s time to call a meeting between “you” and “you” and ask yourself, is he good for me?
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