The marriage decision is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make in your life and believe it or not, it has a direct impact on how well your life turns out at the end of the day. A good marriage will bring out the very best in you while a bad one will bring the opposite.
For your marriage to last, some marriage tips have to be learnt and good foundations laid. We will look at some issues that occur and how to get through the first year of marriage problems, thereafter we will wrap up with some successful marriage tips.
For some couples it could be parental interference, no parent wants to discover that their child got into a bad marriage and so they may find it difficult staying away and want to monitor what happens in the homes of their children. Some of the couples out of immaturity report their spouses every other day and this will create some tension and birth problems with inlaws.
For some newlyweds, it could be being termed as obsessed by your mate. Remember your love is still new like fresh wine so you are still intoxicated and this may affect the way you always want to be with your partner all the time.
For others, it could also mean a change in lifestyle, having to manage compared to the luxury you used to enjoy. And this could be caused by financial stress.
Remember when you were single, there was no way you could have been conversant with your partner’s spending habits because you were separate and at liberty to spend the way you deemed fit but now you are a couple with responsibilities, the issue of who pays for what will always come up and may cause a rift.
For yet another class of couples, hygiene could pose a big problem. After marriage, a lot of things will come to light including your level of cleanliness.
I know that while you were dating, you both showed up for dates looking spic and span but now you are together, you may find out that your spouse wakes up early to brush their teeth and take their bath before grabbing an early morning kiss with you and you may begin to feel dirty.
You may also discover your partner piles up dirty clothes including underwear for weeks and this may be difficult to tolerate especially if you prefer doing your laundry daily. Here also the issue of who does what may cause an uproar.
In our world where women are beginning to clamour for inequality with men, this means a lot of women are becoming employed thereby expecting help from the men in house chores. Imagine a man who grew up with a lot of sisters and was treated like a king with everything done for him, how do you expect him to cope with a working-class wife?
I could go on and on possible first-year marriage problems like lack of time with the boys and ladies, where you need to seek permission from your spouse to hang out with friends and while you are there your phone begins to ring incessantly or even on your return you are met with strict resistance and accusation of being with someone else.
How about boredom? Being with each other may not always be easy as you had a set of friends before you got married and now your time with them will not be like it used to be as you may need to stay indoors more with your spouse as opposed to going out when you were single.
Another thing I noticed is that some couples get stuck in what I call the “ego trap”. Everyone is worth something and they go into marriage with raised shoulders, forgetting that in marriage there are a couple of things you need to let go, which includes your ego.
Every couple needs to establish boundaries of where to draw the line, let go of trivial fights and seek peace rather than being right and trust me, human ego has the tendency of throwing caution to the wind sometimes.
Having said all these, most marriage problems cannot be avoided, instead, they can be worked on, which is why we will be looking at marriage advice for newlyweds and some successful marriage tips.
First on my list is to watch your expectations. From personal experience, I felt that after marriage, I and my husband would always be together and that was my expectation (little did I know that he was a workaholic) and even though he cared a great deal about me, he would rather have his desk cleared before returning home because he hates leaving work undone.
This meant, he would return home late every day, meanwhile, I expected he would close early and come home to be with me.
There are several expectations like that that we have, don’t let it affect you especially when your mate falls short. Have a reset of expectations as events unfold daily, be flexible and learn to have conversations with your mate to express how you feel.
Secondly, learn to understand each other. Most couples feel or assume their spouses are like them but no, you need to deliberately learn about each other. While you were dating, you only had an idea of who your spouse was but now, you are up, close and personal, you are definitely going to be met with some surprises.
You may be the type who wants to talk about everything and anything while your mate is one who would rather sweep somethings under the carpet or totally ignore in order to prevent a confrontation.
This isn’t right yet you will need to learn how to make the corrections gradually and not insist on things going your own way. Learn to talk, you may need to work on yourself more than you think you need to work on your mate.
Another thing you can do is to learn to create time for each other. Prioritise each other above anything else. This is the only space where you get to see, know and understand your mate. Put your time alone together on your priority list.
Remember it’s your first year, the kids are not here yet, this is the time to take roots together and get connected on all fronts because, in the years to come, you may not have much time together alone until in old age.
In all of these, you seriously don’t need to be hard on yourself, it’s a transition phase and you need to take things easy. Accept the fact that things will not always be rosy but as you support each other, things will get better. Note that I never said all will be fine but they will get better.
Having established these foundations, we will be looking at successful marriage tips:
1. Be Watchful To See How Your Spouse Expresses And Receives Love
Relationship expert Gary Chapman, author of the “five love languages” explained that we’re different and as such we have our own love languages which are a set of how we receive and respond to love.
Try to acknowledge that of your partner and also express yours too by responding to theirs.
2. Make Your Spouse A Priority
This can never be overemphasized. Don’t take your spouse for granted, it is normal sometimes for routine to set in and to be laid back in pursuing your lover the way you did in your dating years where you tried all you can to win their hearts.
Don’t get so used to them that you begin to put off attending to their needs for later instead of being one of the topmost on your to-do list.
3. Accept Your Spouse Just The Way They Are
Don’t compare them with others. You knew who they were before you married them, don’t expect less or even too much. Have a healthy expectation of their personality, character and even their response to issues.
Remember also that the grass is not greener elsewhere. I’ve discovered couples who cheat look out and see some other person as a perfect angel only to get entangle’s and find it difficult to break free. What does this tell you? Accept your spouse for who they are.
I’m not saying you should accommodate unhealthy behaviour, speak if you want but don’t expect too much or an overnight change from them.
Look in the mirror, who do you see? You, of course, you are also not perfect so don’t expect perfection. You definitely cannot change overnight, in fact, people rarely change. It’s left for you to seek ways to understand and manage each other.
Permit me to say this is one of the most important successful marriage tips. Try to keep all communication lines open even when there is a misunderstanding. Talk freely. Withholding here and there or even keeping to one’s self could birth dark secrets and these could give room for assumptions, doubts and empower our fears. you don’t understand anything, ask questions.
I’m reminded of an incident that took place in the second year of my marriage. My man was out for work and I just got a friend request from an old school friend of mine whom I had lost touch with on Facebook, on clicking to check her profile, I saw a picture of her and my man dressed in wedding attire and looking like they had been married for about 2 years now.
I almost fainted, in fact, I couldn’t hold my emotions and I immediately sent him to swear words and began packing my things, I felt betrayed. But guess what, when my man saw my messages, he returned home earlier than normal and began to laugh as soon as he saw me, I was taken aback by his supposed strange actions.
Guess what, about close to 10 years ago, his brother was working in a foreign land amidst preparations for his church wedding.
He had issues and couldn’t come down so he begged his brother who happened to be my husband to stand in for him in church activities as the date could not be changed. They looked alike and so the difference wasn’t so obvious, but I know my man and could recognise him.
It was a hard pill to swallow but when I watched the after-party I realised my husband refused to get close to her and they danced from a distance. You can imagine what my assumption would have cost me even though everything I saw on the page screamed “you have been defrauded”(laughs).
We later called up his brother and wife and it was all sorted out. In fact, we discovered it was an account she no longer used. Yes, I was right to have felt bad but I would have asked questions before concluding.
After a rift please don’t stop talking. It may not be the same but keep communicating, express your hurts, pain, anger, fear, disappointment and all. When you hold back you will be passing a different message to your spouse.
Try to be flexible and see things from your partner’s point of view rather than being rigid. Try to be empathetic towards them. They have had their fair share of life troubles, their upbringing and possibly environmental rub off which is why they do things the way they do. Those things put together formed their value system.
Whenever you feel you don’t understand their moves, sit with them, be a good listener and try to see through each other’s eyes and body language. This will help you understand and respect each other’s feelings.
5. Keep Fanning The Flames Of Romance
Touch and romance are very important successful marriage tips that help marriages thrive. Sensual activities may not always be on the menu list but try to be intimate several times a week.
In the same vein, Don’t neglect getting intimate with your lover. I often wonder when I hear people mostly ladies ask of “lovemaking is food” for a man.
It beats my imagination because when you were signing the dotted lines there was a part that mentioned giving your body. Now I don’t mean to sound chauvinist but even when you don’t feel like it, it shouldn’t cause a right and shouldn’t stay away from each other for too long.
I’ve sat with couples who attested to the fact that they noticed a drastic decline in their relationship the moment they began to drift apart sensually. It’s not news that lovemaking is one of the basic needs of every man.
Asides health challenges I really don’t see why couples should go for 6 months without lovemaking. Let’s not allow the fire to go down or fizzle out, let our sheets keep being warm, it may not be every day but try to keep your bed alive and nourishing.
Remember also that lovemaking doesn’t begin with two naked bodies in bed but from the heart. A heartfelt thought of your mate will propel you to want to touch and cuddle and the rest is history. Learn to also play and give surprise gifts, it’s all part of successful marriage tips to keep your marriage interesting.
6. Manage Conflicts
Learn to sort out issues between you both. I can’t guarantee a marriage without misunderstandings but healthy relationships also experience fights, it only boils down to how they are handled and managed.
You have not sworn enemies, you were first friends and later became lovers before you took it to “happily ever after”. This means that there is a connection that should not be sacrificed on the altar of ego, learn to meet halfway, compromise sometimes and let peace be your goal and not trying to win an argument.
Have you ever thought of winning an argument and losing your spouse? I bet you will not want to experience such.
You may both be right but seeing things from a different point of view. Learn to ask for your spouse submission sometimes and later revisit it when tempers are down. One Important successful marriage tips I’ve heard older couples say is never go to bed angry.
Some say kiss when you are mad at each other. This may seem impossible but the idea is to make sure you never go to bed angry at your mate. I didn’t guarantee this will always be easy but since you are reading this, why not try this.
7. Commitment Is Key
One very vital key in the bunch of keys that opens the door to other successful marriage tips is the word commitment. Most couples do not want to be patient anymore.
I look at some couples sometimes and see that the word “commitment and loyalty” isn’t known to them. They threaten to leave at the slightest provocation. I personally believe that divorce should be the last resort after other lines of dialogue or trying to resolve all differences has been exhausted.
Considering divorce will have a negative impact on your mind. This will drain you of the strength to try and make things work. Either way, where you feel you have gotten to a crossroad, speak to a counsellor and get professional help.
In today’s increasingly stressful world, everyone wants to have a mate who will make life less frustrating and that is why there is a constant search for successful marriage tips.
8. Show Respect
Let your spouse know how much you value them and appreciate them. Don’t always assume that they know it already, keep saying it to them. Keep their love word bank full, let them make withdrawals daily and still have more leftovers.
A little compliment outside may seem them off their feet but once they can get reassurances from you, they wouldn’t jump at the slightest show of inferior love and respect.
9. Don’t Neglect Other Relationships
It may be forging a closer bond with friends and families. You do not need to live in isolation, don’t shut out the world because you are married. One man is an island. Share memories and get to listen to their experiences.
There will certainly be a raining day and you may need their help in ways you least expected, it wouldn’t be wise to run to them when you never nurtured the bond that once existed.
10. Choose Love Above Everything Else
Complement your mate. Look for the simplest things you admire about them and pay some compliments. Make a commitment never to let a day pass without saying something sweet to your lover.
11. Study Together
Just as you have your hands on this blog post, you can share it with your spouse. Share knowledge and look towards developing each other. The more you do these the better armed with more successful marriage tips.
12. Where Kids Are Involved, Care For Them
Kids have a way of bringing out a side of you that you never knew existed. A home where kids are not well treated could cause problems between spouses. Try to pass on the love you have for your spouse to them, teach them what is it like to show care. Pass moral values and catch them young.
I believe you know these are definitely not all there is to successful marriage tips. This is only the beginning. Whatever will make your spouse happy and fulfilled and also give you peace should be added to your personal successful marriage tips list. This isn’t too much to do compared to bearing the brunt of divorce or suffering from a bad marriage.
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