What’s the health status of your relationship? Dead, in coma or alive? Don’t be taken aback by this as you read correctly and you need to know this before you can take steps to remedy the situation.
Have you been hurt and all of a sudden you don’t feel like this would work and you have decided to watch as things go so your relationship can die a natural death? Perhaps your relationship has endured so many emotional ups and downs yet you don’t want to let go because you believe you were meant to be.
Well, there are some very simple things you can do to keep your relationship alive and healthy. While you are wondering what may have come between you, I think I can try a few guesses( which is very true but may not apply to you).
Remember when it was just the both of you and you had so much time with little responsibilities but now life happened and then the bills came along, the kids followed, change of jobs and even your mate having to relocate in search of greener pastures and the list goes on.
You seem to find yourself trying to fulfill your obligations. I know you have to go to work early, I know the kids have to be attended to and sent to school, yes I agree with you and I must commend you for doing so well but I have discovered you can do all of these and lose your mate? You are together yet busy with other things outside your connection as a couple.
You have been living a full cycle of trying to meet up with your responsibilities and you end up tired and you find yourself pushing connecting with your spouse for the next day and the next day and yet another day and before you realize it, a whole week is gone and you just keep it going that way yet you know something is wrong, you feel a void but time seems to be on the fast lane and you don’t think you can ever catch up. That’s why this post is here with some relationship tips and also to help you understand how to keep a relationship alive.
Maybe your mate has also expressed concerns with the routine and is longing for the “good old days” but you just can’t help it because you don’t want to be found wanting in your responsibilities. It’s understandable but remember it’s your mate we are talking about here. They still deserve your attention too. After all, you were a team(you still are) before life happened.
Remember you are not siblings but lovers and should relate as such. Don’t get caught up with the ideology of “it’s meant to be like this” especially after you have spent so many years together or after the kids begin to show up, you are just expected to settle into a routine.
Don’t fall for this. Dare to have a sizzling hot relationship and not just some boring alliance. You don’t expect your relationship to take care of itself, it could suffer and die from neglect.
The danger is that gradually you begin to lose touch with each other. I guess you are beginning to see yourself in the scenarios above. Viola, that’s why I’m here to help. I do not claim to have all the answers but we could explore together and try out a few keys to unlock some secrets on how to keep a relationship alive.
You need to feed your connection and keep looking for ways to create new fun and exciting ways on how to keep a relationship interesting.
Perhaps the strain on your relationship is the distance between you, there are ways to bridge the gap and cover up the distance. If you are in this category, be encouraged because you are not alone. Several couples have been where you are but they made it out, and you can also.
This reminds me of a mail I received from a client. It read:
I am struggling to stay married. I want a divorce. I’m writing to see if you can help me, if not I will call it quits. -Sandy ( real name withheld)
I receive several emails like this daily so I wasn’t surprised. My response was:
Are you ready to make it work? If yes, let’s talk and I sent her my number. She called after a few days and this was her story.
“My man and I dated for two years after which we got married. Two weeks later he got promoted at work and all hell broke loose. The position took my husband away from me. We couldn’t go for our honeymoon. I got pregnant five months later and gave birth to twins.
Then I said to myself, ‘now I will have my man’s attention’. Yes I had company at home and I was hardly ever bored but my spouse kept working even at odd hours. I began to crave his presence, support, and care and when I tried talking about it, I was tagged a nagging wife who never appreciates her husband for footing all the bills without any support from me.
Being a very ambitious and hardworking man, he began working overtime and I almost lost it. I can’t speak anymore” she said, “I need to see you”. Then I responded, imagine you are standing in front of a locked door and take it to be your relationship. To go in, you will need the keys, right? Let’s get the keys.
I gave her an appointment and she showed up surprisingly with her husband, Wells. She broke down in tears the moment she walked into my office and before I could say anything, her husband began to pour out his heart.
“I began to feel alone and abandoned after our twins came,” he said. “Sandy shifted all her attention to the boys and left me alone. I also noticed a drastic change in her appearance, not necessarily her weight but her looks. Her hair was usually unkempt, no makeup and she looked unattractive.
I began to dread returning home at the close of work because most times I get greeted at the door with accusations of being a cheat. I endured this but after a while, I got tired of her attitude and decided to begin working overtime”.
Well, I heard so much from Wells but was not surprised as I knew he would definitely have his side of the story. I’m sure you want to know what I said to them? You will find the answer as you read.
You will agree with me that you cannot experience change until you change your methods. You go to the gym to work out. I mean there are several regimens to keep fit, build muscles and also shed some weight. And it takes constant effort and repeated actions to achieve this. So also it is with relationships, there are things to learn and unlearn on how to keep a relationship alive.
Remember I mentioned earlier that there are some very simple things to do to keep a relationship strong and happy. I don’t need to over-analyze your current situation any further, let’s try the following keys to the locked door of your relationship and not only keep it open but bring down every wall of unhealthy routine. You will notice how easy and insignificant it will look but the results will speak.
Now to the secrets on how to keep a relationship alive. First of them is even when you got the ring
1. Keep Ringing With Your Spouse
Yes, I know there are deadlines to meet but can you just live in the moment and allow the future to take care of itself?
Remember how it was before you two tied the knot. The late-night movies at the cinema or even at home together, the jokes you shared, the late-night dates and fun times together. You need to bring back those days not just by relieving them in your memory but recreating them physically.
Get a hold of those pictures and make fun of each other, play like kids who just fell in love and keep the laughter. Befriend your spouse again and watch your relationship come alive again. You could also try date ideas for couples that won’t take you out of your house.
2. Cuddle And Snuggle
I’m not talking about your usual welcome quick hugs and pecks. I mean the kind of hug where you stay transfixed to each other as if your life depends on it and in your heart, you are saying “I’m happy I have you”. Let some silence pass and just enjoy the warmth of a feminine or masculine embrace. Let it soak into every fiber of your being.
Everyone needs to be touched at some point or the other and it communicates a subtle meaning of “you are my heaven” and I’m connected to you. Want to learn more about how to keep a relationship alive, read on.
3. Think Of Something You Can Do Daily To Make Your Partner Happy
Everyone responds to care. It could be a call, an SMS saying “I love you”, a cup of warm milk before bedtime for your mate, leaving sticky notes where they can find them like placing them on the mirror in the bathroom or helping them with chores.
The list is endless. You could also ask “what can I do to make you happy today?” if you can’t think of anything. You will never go wrong with this.
4. Express Your Love For Your Mate
Don’t say “I love you” in your heart and expect your mate to feel it. Let it out. Let your mate see and feel that love going on your inside through your actions. If they have to wonder if you love them then there is a problem.
If your mate is far away, being in a long-distance relationship isn’t a death sentence. You can also make it work. You can learn how to keep a long-distance relationship alive.
Undo the distance between you by expressing yourself virtually. Social media is bae for this. Show off your mate. Video call and send daily selfies if possible. Loving is an art that has to be unleashed in several ways. It doesn’t have to be complicated.
5. Do Something Together
Remember the aim is to keep things hot between you. Take advantage of chores to get close. Just think of something you can do together and while you do, share stories and jokes, you could even play too in the process, steal hits and kisses and don’t get too serious with life. You could also play music and even dance together.
6. Try Doing Something For Your Mate That They Don’t Like Doing
I hate doing the dishes but my husband does that a lot for me and it takes a whole lot of burden off my shoulders. What does your partner hate doing? Find out and offer some help.
7. Surprise Your Partner
Anniversaries and birthdays are just little reminders to help show that special someone in your life that you care but how about getting your partner a cup of ice cream just to say “thanks for being so sweet and yummy”?
For those wondering how to keep a long-distance relationship, you could order things online and have them delivered to your mate anywhere in the world, you could also send postcards too.
8. Show Them You Believe In Them
Celebrate your mate and their accomplishments. Rejoice in their strengths. When your mate succeeds in a project, praise them. When they get a promotion and a raise, let them know they deserved it and throw a party for two. Just make them feel special.
9. Be Their “Go-To” Person
I remember some time ago I was overwhelmed with writing and I rang up by husband and said I wish you were here. We talked for a little above three minutes and after the call, I felt energized. He gave me some ideas and I said to myself, now I can take on the world.
Yes, this is actually the starting point of how to keep a relationship alive. Talk it out with your mate. Let them know what you miss about them and then go back to the beginning of this post and begin to try out everything.
Doing all of these will have a ripple effect on your relationship that you may never recover from. Sandy and Wells attested to it.
The keys above may seem too simple but the key is consistency. With this, you will experience more happiness together, you will realize a reduction in your conflicts. A friend of mine once said, “little acts of kindness and love reduce tantrums in relationships”.
You may say “but my partner isn’t responding”, keep going, they will notice and the magic will begin.
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