Hearing the words “it is over” is always like a sting that takes almost forever to get over it. You have gone through the harrowing experience of heartbreak, you are healing and you want a trial at love again. Can a relationship work after several breakups? This may be the question on your mind now. Of course, it happens but it may not be an easy task.
It may seem easy to be with someone, break up and get back together again but it involves a lot of work. Coming back together must have been a decision between you two I believe.
Now you are back together, getting back together after a break up is a relationship that is saddled with a whole lot of responsibilities because you have had a history together, you have become addicted to this person and you really need to be sure that what caused the breakup in the first place doesn’t repeat itself. I will consider this to be a new relationship and not a carryover of the past. That one is dead and buried.
How to make a relationship work after a breakup requires a lot of commitment, effort and a change of mindset. To make this work, there is a whole lot to consider, which we will be exploring together shortly.
How To Make A Relationship Work After A Breakup:
1. Consider Why You Are Back Together
How to successfully get back together after a breakup demands that you take inventory of the old. You and your partner need to do a thorough analysis of your past relationship.
- What problems did you encounter?
Work towards making it right. Remember this is a new relationship( but a second chance) and you should work at it so it doesn’t become like the previous one. You wouldn’t want to get hurt again, neither will you want to walk away from your partner because they have not changed.
- Think about what you want from this new relationship.
- Does your mate feel the same way about starting over or does the decision to come together seem to be a forced one?
- Are you both willing to reunite and make this work?
- Have you healed from the breakup?
- When you replay scenes from the heartbreak, do you still feel some form of anger?
- Are you sure you are not getting back for revenge?
- Are you coming back because you are lonely or you feel mending fences will make this work?
If the latter is your reason, then it isn’t cogent enough. Feelings change and so do people also. Your reason should be for love and the willingness to work on the relationship to see it successful.
2. Identify Previous Problems And Discuss Them
This should be a two-way thing. This needs to be done with all sincerity and not a time to cast stones. Since you are both concerned about how to make a relationship work after a breakup, You should admit your wrongdoing and apologize while your mate does the same. You should not ignore your faults and focus on the failings of your mate. Take responsibility for your actions that led to the breakup.
Get a good understanding of what your roles in the relationship should be like. What are you bringing to the table that is different from the past? You have grown, changed and possibly evolved. Let it be evident in your actions and doings.
If you called for the break up initially, I think there is the need for an apology. Let your mate know you are sorry. Apologize and mean it. Take actions, get gifts, cards, scribble notes to let your mate know how sorry you are and how willing you are to make things work this time.
3. Don’t Be In A Hurry
Yes, you were head over heels in love in time past but the breakup jolted you back to reality. Now you are working at being together again. Don’t forget the lessons learned from the past, take things slowly!
Try dating your mate again just like you are starting a new relationship with a total stranger. Try to get to know each other again. You might have missed some steps in the dating process in the past, be determined to get it right this time.
Ask questions, be on the lookout to see if your mate has changed. Be sure their words match with their actions and doings, be sure you can depend on their words. Don’t rush into their arms like in time past, apply some level of caution.
If you two had some painful experiences maybe the relationship ended because your partner cheated or you did, then you may need to seek professional help in order to have your emotions healed properly. Don’t get into their beds quickly, let them earn it( at least for now).
Remember, we are assuming you have not met them before and you cannot give several dollar bills to a total stranger, so also you need to hold on getting intimate too quickly. If they are back to you for the long haul, test their resolve to stay chaste. Work at this point to build friendship, don’t give them your spare keys yet, still guard your heart.
Controlling your emotions also is a very important part of how to make a relationship work after a breakup. Women generally let go of their emotions easily. You are excited about the reunion but don’t conclude so quickly that he’s your knight in shining armor. I know how it feels to want to call, text or even be around your mate. While those urges exist, do well to restrain yourself.
Don’t sit around waiting on your mate to call until you find yourself glued to the phone and not being able to do other things. Some even make the mistake of going ahead to be the ones to call. At least for this new beginning, let your mate reach out to you, as you grow together, you can then loosen up.
Wondering why I said that?
Let your mate work at reaching you. They will be wondering if you still love them and in so doing, they will want to win you over by going all out. Please don’t truncate this process, let them go through it, if you hinder it, you will be the one chasing them eventually.
Whenever they promise to call and don’t call, wait for their call. Don’t call them. Calling them will mean you are doing nothing but just waiting for them. You have a life to live, get busy and focus on you. Earn yourself some respect and have the feeling of being chased sometimes. You know it could be fun seeing your mate doing all they can to please and make you happy.
4. Be Open To Suggestions From Friends And Family But Trust Your Guts
Remember, these were the same people that got your back when your heart was torn in two. They connected with you, cried with you while you cried and wiped your tears.
They took turns to keep you company and even took you out sometimes. They helped you stay busy and gave you listening ears when you had to recount your ordeal with your mate severally even when they did not understand all you were saying.
You know it won’t be easy for them to accept the fact that you are mending up with someone who broke your heart. Take it easy on them too.
Allow them to air their minds and express their concerns, they care about you greatly. This is the more reason you need to get the motive of having a come back settled. Be very sure that your reason for a reunion is valid or if you are just getting emotional about being without a mate.
Remember also, that this is about you. Only you can tell the kind of love that exists between you and how you feel about each other as partners. Trust your guts if it says otherwise. They may see red flags that you can’t see, so let them speak, in the end, it’s your decision to make.
5. How To Make A Relationship Work After A Breakup Demands That You Set Boundaries
During the breakup, you fell back in love with yourself. Don’t let yourself go this time. You worked on your goals, dreams, and aspirations, don’t go back on your commitments to yourself. For some ladies, D*ck could be a big distraction, in fact, they forget all about themselves and focus on the man. Don’t let this happen in your new relationship.
Having boundaries will let you rate know that you are whole in yourself and will accord you some respect. Be willing to keep any door in your life shut that you don’t want to be opened yet. Your mate can have your time but don’t trade it in when other personal issues need your attention. Sacrifice but take the utmost care of yourself in the process.
Why set boundaries?
You need to organize your life and major in important things. You need to be subtle but firm about this. You don’t need to go about saying you have boundaries, it’s not necessary. Just set your heart to things that you will allow and the ones you can’t allow.
It will hurt not just you but everyone around you but since you are working towards achieving something, go for it. The attention is on you now and you don’t need to explain what you are doing, just say no and stick with it. If you are asked to do something that isn’t convenient, say no in the most feminine way you can but be firm in saying no.
My ex-boyfriend and I decided to get back together again just like you are doing now. I noticed his favorite hang out spots became a hotel. He would say we needed some privacy to plan and talk about the way forward. I was not comfortable with it and I told him I’m sorry, let’s choose somewhere else for our hang out. He got angry saying I was too rigid. Who cares!
Eventually, we didn’t make it past a few weeks together as I discovered he only wanted to jump on me and nothing more. Perhaps his hormones were raging and he wanted a quick lay.
Setting boundaries will help reveal your motive for wanting a comeback. If your mate can hold on and do your bidding at this point, then you are good to go. Don’t be pulled into things you have no business with. Be patient with yourself and remain firm in your decision of setting boundaries.
6. Communicate Better
Bad habits could be really hard to break. Now that you are back together, don’t hold back and grumble or put up some attitude when you see your mate doing what you don’t like. It’s best to speak up.
Call their attention to it, remind them of their promise to change. Don’t do this in anger or the form of an accusation. Remember we all have weaknesses. Let it be a friendly reminder. Allow your mate to fail sometimes so you can forgive them.
Trust me when I say that this won’t be easy but make a decision never to be silent or hold back when you see your mate going down the wrong lane.
If you parted ways based on infidelity, set boundaries of how far your relationship with the opposite gender should be. If there any issue, speak with your mate, don’t confide in the opposite gender that isn’t your partner, you may be testing dangerous waters. Be open with your partner so you don’t see the need for a third party.
While you notice that I refer to your past relationship severally, this is all in a bid to avoid making the same mistakes you made in time past. How to make a relationship work after a breakup demands that you don’t throw the past in your mates face over and over again. I don’t mean you should keep bringing up the past when you have misunderstandings, instead work at starting afresh.
Create new memories, try to avoid the places you used to visit together, try out new places and make this time together worth it, try to win the trust of your mate and ” happily ever after” could be the end of your story.
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