How to compromise in a relationship is an art that both couples need to learn and master for what they both share to thrive.
Some couples go into marriage with the cliche of “happily ever after” forgetting that this happens by hard work and not some magic wand or some wishes or even vows made and one of the tools in fostering a healthy bond and happy relationship in marriage is compromise.
There need to be a forgoing of something sometimes for your partner, a little denial of self and sometimes totally letting go in order to make your partner happy and enjoy your relationship.
Whenever I come across the word ‘compromise’ the meaning that hits my mind is ‘meeting in the middle’. It may sound crazy but irrespective of how you chose to look at it, can you see that ‘bending’ sometimes eases tension and leaves you happier than when you insist on getting your way?
This skill of compromise is inevitable as it is needed in every area of your love life with your partner. It is even needed in your everyday life how much more whom you have chosen to share your personal space with? Saying ‘maybe’ sometimes instead of ‘no’ can be a real deal-breaker.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking you to relinquish all your rights and suffer in silence, neither am I asking you to become a doormat that accepts anything, no.
All I’m saying is you and your partner reaching an agreement and seeing eye to eye concerning certain issues and at the end being happy and not feeling sidelined. This is how to compromise in a relationship without losing yourself.
When you meet in the ‘middle’ it means neither of you is hurt or angry but instead you both agree and are happy about decisions taken because you have analysed what you both need and have arrived at a conclusion that is beneficial to both parties.
When you compromise it means you value your union above ego and you are concerned with the happiness and well-being of your partner. It shows you don’t mind ‘not being right always’ and allowing your mate have their way. It further proves you are making progress in your journey as a couple where you see each other as team members and partners.
Almost every area of relationships requires compromise starting from decision making on how to handle finances in a relationship, properties to acquire and how to save, there a whole of issues that require not just good decision-making skills but compromise also.
We will be looking at examples of how to compromise in a relationship.
1. Stay Indoors Or Go Outside
This could pose a serious problem if either partner doesn’t compromise. By nature, your mate may be directly opposite to you in their temperaments, which means either of you could be introverted and the other extroverted.
Your partner may be homely while you may be an outdoor person who enjoys having some sunlight on your skin. If this isn’t properly managed, one partner may get hurt and the honey one will rather sit in all day while the other stays out all day. How does compromise come in here?
Both partners need to agree to spend some time together indoor and also outdoor even if it’s going to be for a short period of time so that you both can have a feel of the kind of atmosphere you want.
On the other hand, where you two cannot go out together, the homely partner may stay home without feeling bad and making regular checks on the phone or even go out but make less contact with people. Could be to sit at a park watching people while your partner grabs a few bottles with friends or you even sitting with them but your partner being conscious of the fact that you would like to avoid certain conversations.
2. Taking Turns
This is another example of how to compromise in a relationship. There are several ways of getting things done and truth be told, not every way fits ours as we are used to our own style and method.
When you are faced with a situation like this, one way you can use the compromise tool is by either allowing your partner have their way this time and you have yours next or taking some of their methods and infusing it into yours. As different individuals your preference differ and this requires you meeting in the middle sometimes.
3. Your Way, My Way
Sounds strange but I will explain. I personally have my favourite route from my house to work and my husband has his also. Sound crazy but we love our routes and stick to it. If he comes to pick me from work and we are riding home together, he uses my route, and if I go pick him also, I use his preferred route.
What does this mean? In using the tool of compromise, you need to understand sometimes that there are some rules that cannot be bent, so, you will learn to live with them and be happy.
You just understand that part of your spouse and allow him to do it his own way and he also allows you to do yours as well. This can occur in preparing dishes, taking a walk, working out, even dressing.
Don’t allow simple issues tear you apart, instead, close the gap by understanding your mate and allowing them to do things their way when it has to do with them. Want to learn more on how to compromise in a relationship? Come with me.
4. The Merger
I call this the merger because it involves you and your partner agreeing on some of your choices and you doing same with him and then you both merge those points of agreement and use them. It could be a place of abode, furnishings at home, choice of home appliances and even vacation spots.
This kind of compromise means that your ideas are far apart and different, yet you pick from each other and work with them. And you no longer look at them as your idea or that of your partner, instead you both look at it and a joint agreement between you two.
5. Try Mine Then Try Yours
This is another example on how to compromise in a relationship. Just as the name implies, it means you bit agree to try your partner’s idea for a period of time and if it doesn’t work then you consider the other partner’s point of view.
This example could be applied in different life situations. From recipes for food, to how to stop fighting in your relationship or even decisions concerning savings.
I and my ex-boyfriend years ago wanted to buy a car. He wanted to sell off the old one and get a new one but even if he does, the cash wouldn’t be enough to get another. He wanted to go get some credit but I advised we both out resources together and start saving.
We decided that if in 8 months we are unable to get the car, then he can go ahead and get his credit. That’s a vivid example of try mine and try yours in the toolbox of how to compromise in a relationship.
6. Let’s Do This My Way And The Other Your Way
This example of compromise comes to play when you have to make a decision concerning two different issues that may or may not be directly connected.
You have to attend to two different things at the same time and then you can decide to say, let me handle this while you handle that. This gives room for your partner to express their views and opinion freely without any input from you, you just give them free course to take whatever decision they feel like while you agree and trust their judgement.
You will notice in this example that you allow your partner freedom to be themselves. Note that I don’t mean that you let your partner have their way and then you begin to pout or become unhappy. If you feel this way then it means the aim of compromise has been defeated.
I’ve sat with couples during counselling sessions and I hear statements like ‘you make me feel like I’ve got no brains’. This means the partner complaining feels sidelined, his or her idea not considered, or has kept mute all these while.
Compromise doesn’t mean silence or you being coerced into doing something you don’t want to do. This is where communication and agreement comes in else bitterness or even anger may build up with one partner shutting down completely and not speaking out.
Endeavour to make sure you both are happy and agree to whatever decision made by you two. Where there are doubts ask questions, never assume.
I advice couples to watch out for each other. My man is a good decision maker and has great problem-solving skills, in fact, give him a problem, within minutes solution will be made available but when it comes money, he is a spendthrift. We both know this and so when it comes to money issues, I am the boss, I make suggestions and we both local at them together.
Often times he says, it’s your field, I trust your judgement. When you understand the strength and weaknesses of your spouse, it will help you understand each other better, your strengths will stand in for his weaknesses and vice verse.
Another thing you need to consider is how your partner gives and receives love will also take its course on some decisions you will be making together. When you discover this, it will make things a lot easier.
7. Calendar Intimate Moments
This is one area I discover couples have a hard time agreeing about. Due to different work times and schedules, many couples find it difficult to meet in the middle. I often advise my clients to calender their intimate moments.
Sit, talk with your partner, find out what their typical week is like, then draw a timetable for intimate moments.
If your weekends are busy, schedule for the weekdays and if the weekdays are worse you could plan a get-away sometimes or have a baby sitter come around while you both go get some fun. It all boils down to your agreement as a couple.
8. Managing Family
Remember marriage is a merger. It’s a combination of two different families and backgrounds and I’m sure it not news that each family has their traditions.
In my family we have the tradition of having Christmas together with my parents every year, we don’t miss it. While my husband’s family loves the Easter period. So we compromise by spending Easter with his parents and then go spend the Christmas holidays with my parents.
For some couples, it may not be this easy especially if both families hold same day as reunion parties for families. If this looks like yours then you may alternate visits every other year.
Where this isn’t possible, you are a couple now, you could create your own holiday time and spend it with whichever side of the family you please. This should not pose a problem as it can be talked about and you both can tilt without breaking.
Learning the art of how to compromise cannot be learnt in a day. It is a continuous thing as you keep unfolding before each other daily. Tastes, preferences, weaknesses, faults and even strengths will keep showing up thereby showing you areas you need to work on.
Compromise does not need to hurt and where they do then know that you are not comprising anymore. While it’s true that you have both made decisions and agreed, do well to revisit issues when you don’t feel good about them.
Decisions made can be changed by you and your partner. As long as times and seasons change, there may be changes in schedules, an increase in family size or even separation sometimes in order to search for greener pastures. In cases like this, certain issues will have to be revisited over and over again.
Your goal should be to meet in the middle and yet be happy, then you can proudly say you have compromised. Let me see your own examples of how to compromise in a relationship in the comment section.
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